thank you so much all. it really helps.
I was really down about it the other day. I think it's because I'm hitting my 1 year from my last surgery. Plus i still have an infection that i'm dealing with and they can't really find the source in my mouth. they can't tell if its the gum or tooth. I had a fistula but it's getting better. very very slowly and it's not draining.
other than that, i'm trying to get used to my new normal and understand what is my "life" issue vs temporary issue.

Age 44. Diagnosed at 34 (2006) with T1N0 SCC tongue on right side. Neck dissed & 6 weeks Radiation. 30% tongue removed. Never smoked;
2nd recurrence 1/2013 on left side. Surgery to remove 2/2013 forearm flap/neck dissec T1N0; brachytherapy 4/2013;
3rd recurrence 11/2015 mandibulectomy for jaw bone cancer Stage IV/no lymph node involvement