I had some long chats with my Docs, nurses and even a friend who is a shrink about independence, PEG, pain meds, etc.

I'm divorced and live alone and am quite independent, so initially I was fighting both the pain meds and the PEG -- I have come to understand that the way is better if I consider these things as tools on my side rather than obstacles.

While I take all my nourishment and most water thru the PEG (installed as early as possible so it's one more thing out of the way), I continue to swallow mucous and take all my meds by mouth in order to keep that system marginally functional and ready for rehab -- I realized there was no point (except maybe being masochistic) to daily choking down the food subsitutes when it goes in so easily, albeit boringly, via the PEG. When my taste returns then the PEG will go.

The pain meds are a similiar story; they affect my general feeling of well-being as well as dealing directly with all the throat pain, so why would I choose to feel bad when I can feel good?

Pete