Brian,

Your post tears at my heart. With such concern and care for your friend, he is very fortunate to have you there.

I wish I could offer more for you to hang on to and give you both more peace in your lives.

You are both living too far into the unknown future. Take each minute for what it is worth and don't dwell on the unknown! He still has better health and mobility than some folks, and even if his cancer comes back (which you don't know for sure has) he and you and all your friends could have hours and days and weeks and even months of wonderful moments. The worry and anxiety you have is wasting your energy and time. Spend it wisely. Yes this disease comes into our lives and wrecks our view of perfect. We spend too much time imagining what perfect is and not seeing that perfect is right now! There is no tomorrow, no garantee, we don't have a right to expect anything more than this moment...and then the next.

If your caught in the downward spiral of fear, worry, and anxiety, everything is bad, hopeless, worthless. You miss out on what really is important: love of fellow human, sharing souls on this trip we don't (can't) yet understand. These events in our lives can easily turn into wonderful experiences not dreadful.

It was during my radiation treatments when I clearly realized that all of us plan weeks, months, years ahead in our lives. Crazy pace, chasing the dollar, cimbing the "ladder", being a bum, putting off helping someone, and then an airplane hits our building......

What a blessing for Paul, he still has time to appreciate whatever time he has left, one moment well spent, at a time. Shake off the dreary medical reports and painful routine, forget what you have heard about how long he has left! Nobody really knows for sure and you have got better things to do with your time than worry!

GO OUT AND LIVE