Hello Louise, I am truly sorry that you have a need for this site. However, it is a fabulous place for information and advice.
I would recommend that you get a second opinion. Preferably from a Comprehensive Cancer Center. Research has proven that a CCC gets better outcomes for their patients. You don't want to be regretting anything further down the track. A CCC sees hundreds of patients with Oral cancer. A local centre might see a couple a year, so you can't compare the experience . Also a CCC has your case discussed by a Tumour Board, which then recommends a treatment plan. The tumour Board consists of surgeons, radiologists, chemo docs, dentists, physios etc. As against a local Center where the surgeon will push surgery, the radiologist will push for radiotherapy etc.
Thinking of you both,
Tammy

Caregiver/advocate to Husband Kris age 59@ diagnosis
DX Dec '10 SCC BOT T4aN2bM0 HPV+ve.Cisplatin x3 35 IMRT.
PET 6/11 clear.
R) level 2-4 neck dissection 8/1/11 to remove residual node - necrotic with NED
Feb '12 Ca back.. 3/8/12 total glossectomy/laryngectomy/bilat neck dissection/partial pharyngectomy etc. clear margins. All nodes negative for disease. PEG in.
March 2017 - 5 years disease free. Woohoo!