Hi Mark, sorry you have had to join us. I am caregiver to my Husband Kris, so haven't actually been through this myself. I will say it is a rough ride, but doable.
I'm sure Christine and others will be along soon to give you advice. In the meantime read as many posts as you can on here. I found them invaluable when we went through this journey.
You will get through this.
Tammy

Caregiver/advocate to Husband Kris age 59@ diagnosis
DX Dec '10 SCC BOT T4aN2bM0 HPV+ve.Cisplatin x3 35 IMRT.
PET 6/11 clear.
R) level 2-4 neck dissection 8/1/11 to remove residual node - necrotic with NED
Feb '12 Ca back.. 3/8/12 total glossectomy/laryngectomy/bilat neck dissection/partial pharyngectomy etc. clear margins. All nodes negative for disease. PEG in.
March 2017 - 5 years disease free. Woohoo!