Hi everyone... I joined the forum in 2012, when my father was diagnosed with squamous cell carcinoma third stage. You might find my older conversations with other members. Well, My father lost his battle on 23 march 2013. I was with him all the time. Because he said he was scared, I kept talking to him the previous night until he fell asleep. The next day, he woke up once smiled at me and that was it. This is the first time i am talking about him in front of anyone. I avoided talking about him since after the diagnosis. I did not see the necessity of sharing those moments with anyone else. And even after he is gone, i dont. May be because i fear they wont get it or they might pitty on me. And i dont want that. I have witnessed stuff a daughter should never do. Yet I have been trying my own ways to be back to normal. I write down all my feelings in the form of poetry. I write whenever i miss him. This has helped to be normal again, not my old self though. Just normal. His loss has made me realize his importance in my daily life. I am not sad. I laugh, I play pranks on my brother, I have fun with my friends. I have got a job at a firm as a consultant. Its fun, but i really wished my father was there when i brought my first pay check at home. Right now i am focussing on two of most important things in my life. My mother, who brings my father's name in every other conversations and my fathers dream to see me become a successful structural analyst.
I had to gather a lot of courage even to write here again. But i think this is the only safe space for me to talk to others and be of help if possible by any means.