I've been monitoring your forum practically daily and even posted a note a while back, but I think it's best I start here, now that I have an understanding of how this board works.

My brother was diagnosed with tongue cancer August 2004. He had surgery in September but the surgeon did not think radiation was necessary since he was so pleased with the surgerey and his reconstruction of the tongue with some grafting technique. Despite all our urging him to seek a second opinion, my brother is very fearful of hospitals, doctors, and the medical community in general. He is 62 years old and I believe he thinks the doctors are infallible.

Well, in January, a PET scan revealed "hot spots" throughout his body, and also the cancer had returned this time also spreading to some lymph nodes. Several lymph nodes were removed from his neck. However, when he went to the hospital 18 April to begin the radiation, the tests he took the previous Friday revealed the return of the cancer to his tongue, and elsewhere in his neck. (Forgot to mention, it's Stage IV).

So, instead of the radiation, which he was mentally prepared for (and the feeding tube), the oncologist decided on 5 days of constant, 24/7 of chemo. He had 24 hours each day of Fluorouracil, and when he wasn't receiving that, he had 1 hour of docetaxel, and 4 hours of Cisplatin. Three weeks later, he had another round of this chemo treatment (again staying in the Hospital for 5 days).

Right after Memorial Day my brother started radiation, combined with a 4-hour dose of chemo every third week. After his first 15 (of 37) he became severely dehydrated, had to be hospitalized and also have a blood transfusion.

Here's the thing: I visited him recently and he seems so angry and depressed. He is very mean to his wife (caregiver) and refuses to talk to anyone (probably because he is in so much pain). He is not taking enough nutrition through the feeding tube (not to mention he's not drinking enough.) I'm afraid he's giving up.

He won't come to this forum, probably because that would be acknowledging he is seriously sick.

So my thought is if you all could give him some hope and encouragement, I will print out the responses and send them to him. Also, his wife needs to become involved in a support group, so if anyone can recommend a local group in the Northern New Jersey, New York City area, i will put her in touch.

Thanks in advance--you all are a remarkable group and i admire the courage of each one of you.

M.