I would be too. Okay so it sounds like it might be HPV related oral cancer that may have recurred in the oral tongue though your primary was a BOT - they surgery isn't pretty but you will do fine. And like I said PaulB here can light up manhattan he's had so much radiation,and I know another woman who's had 5 recurrences and they still managed to squeeze in more radiation - once the surgery is Over and you know the results of the pathology do ask again about rads. not that it's something anyone wants to do even once let alone twice - it will give you the best shot at beating this. Hugs!