From what you just wrote I can see that you have started down the road to acquiring the knowledge that will get you through this without going nuts in the process.

Cancer is like that, in the beginning we are diagnosed but we know absolutely nothing about the disease. Diagnosis is the car wreck that put us in the ditch. Most of us only heard (or remember) a little of what the doctor said in that first meeeting and we are scared absolutely to death. We all went through this, so welcome to the family.

When my tonsil cancer was diagnosed they kept using the word "invasive". Initially I kept thinking that word meant fast growing, so I was really freaked out; am I going to die before they even get treatment started. Eventually I figured out I should ask my doctor about it. He just chuckled and said invasive is just a synonym for you have cancer. Non-invasive means it's not cancer. And no, you are not going to die before treatment begins.

That story kind of describes the information journey we are all on with this disease. Sadly, in the beginning we are on an impossibly steep learning curve; we have a LOT to learn in a short period of time. But, we hang in there, listen to the advice of our forum brothers and sisters, read what they tell us to read and learn a little more every day. A week or so later that learning curve shallows out enough that we can actually sleep at night because we are just mildly scared, then later it flattens out some more; we have learned enough to accept the demon in our body and now concentrate on getting on with the treatment. For me that happened about week 3 of radiation (8 weeks after diagnosis). From then on "scared" has stayed away from my door.

After treatment is over many leave the forum; they don't really need the support anymore. But, some of us stick around, to help the new guys climb out of the ditch.

You're going to do just fine. Hang in there and keep reading. You will get there.

Tony