Hi, N74g,

I'm glad to hear that you get it; it makes life infinitely better when one learns to do that. So does being in shape when you have to go through an experience like this, and more importantly, keeping in shape while undergoing treatment(s).

I'm currently in the midst of my 4th go-round, my third recurrence. I'm actually incurable, but manageable. At least, that's been the pattern to this point, but things are changing. Well, that's life. Literally. The only constant in life is change.

A bit over 12 weeks ago we started this round. The PET scan I got on Tuesday, the first, revealed that the chemo drug that was successful on the third round is no longer working. I still have the tumors that were detected then and there has been no shrinkage this time. In addition, a bunch of new tumors were present.

Now, this may be counter-intuitive, but that's good news. All three recurrences have been in the liver, and not the lungs which is the more usual case. What is especially nice about this is that A) the liver is easy to access for out-patient procedures, and B) it's the most durable and forgiving organ in the body, and allows for procedures that would be too toxic for the lungs.

I have an appointment with a clinic in Pensacola on next Wednesday for an initial consultation, following which I'll be scheduled for a procedure that implants radioactive beads in each of the tumors and no chemo will be involved.

That, my friends, is major good news to my ears; I've been taking one form or another of chemo almost continuously since mid-'11, with only two 90-day intermissions (chemo knocks the tumors down, and when they are gone, there's a 90 day break followed by a PET. In my case, that has meant starting the chemo again because new tumors have always been present at the follow-up PET.

So, I'm pumped! I've been faithfully working out all through these last two years, and it's a bitch when you've got a system full of chemo. The fatigue is the only thing that I've noticed, but as I said, it's a bitch working out when you are already wiped out. Not having to deal with that will be a huge improvement.

And here's how "not attaching to outcomes" fits in here. I had a visit from a guy I shared the same home room with in the 9th grade, in San Antonio (where he and his wife live today). He left Monday, but he asked me what I expected to hear from my Oncologist. I told him the truth, which was that there were three possible outcomes; 1) The Xeloda was working, and I might be done for a while, or I might need several more cycles to finish knocking the tumors down; 2)the tumors were already gone, and I'd be free for the next 90 days; or 3) new tumors would indicate that the Xeloda was not working and we'd have to look at something else.

As you know if you've gotten this far, #3 was the winner. Since I had no expectations, there was nothing to disappoint or surprise me unpleasantly and I remain a happy camper!

And BTW, they are reporting a very high rate of success with this bead business, and it may be repeatable when the tumors reappear down the road.

"May." No expectations, no disappointments.

Bart