Welcome to OCF. Sorry to hear you are so nervous about having a recurrence. That fear is very common. After going thru so much, its hard to imagine ever having to do it again.

As someone who has has 2 recurrences I can say I really dont live in fear everyday. I have a purpose in life and a reason to get up in the morning which is very important to getting past the fear of recurrence. My chances of surviving another round of OC are slim to none so I go out and make the most of every day. The thoughts of recurrence sneak up on me around check up times and I do really good with limiting the amount of time I dwell on it. Maybe it would help you to helping others. Ive found it makes me feel less vulnerable and better about the situation. By helping other people it gets the focus off my own issues. It has worked for me, maybe you could benefit from that too.

Congrats on your first year cancer free. Wishing you many more!