Leo.....PLEASE CALM DOWN!!!!! Please stop worrying so much. This is making you feel so much worse. It way too much stress and its not helping you to think clearly about your situation.

Thinking about this 24/7 is unhealthy. Here is a way to get it off your mind. When you begin to think "what if....." I want you to say to yourself...Ok, I will only allow myself to consider these possibilities for 3 minutes then I will do something productive. Begin to do things to keep your mind occupied with things that take alot of concentration. How about reading a technical type of a book? Something which requires your 100% attention. How about watching a movie which is suspenseful, something which drags you into its plot and makes you pay close attention so you dont miss any details. Do you have any hobbies? How about something you have been putting off, like maybe organizing your basement or garage? Begin a hobby or activity that you must focus on to be successful. Go to the library and take out a book about a subject you are interested in....not anything to do with cancer, dying, or anything negative. Strive for the positive.

Do some volunteer work, anything productive which helps others will help to keep your mind busy. Idle minds will wander to your problem and by focusing too much on this it is giving you a slanted view of the situation. By thinking about things in a calm, rational manner it will help you to think logically about things. Dont get too far ahead of yourself. Did you know worrying will NOT change the future, not one bit! It will not change the test results or do one positive thing for you. All it is doing is making you frantic and upset so its it not anything that is helpful. I have been in your situation and I was scared and worried myself but over the years I have learned how to help myself to avoid becoming paralyzed with fear of the unknown.

I am trying to help you to feel better. I know how hard it is to wait around for a diagnosis. Waiting is the absolute worst! It can play tricks on your mind especially when you have done a couple tests or seen a few doctors.

Hang in there! With the CT scan they will have a better picture of whats going on.

Good luck!!!

Christine
SCC 6/15/07 L chk & by L molar both Stag I, age44
2x cispltn-35 IMRT end 9/27/07
-65 lbs in 2 mo, no caregvr
Clear PET 1/08
4/4/08 recur L chk Stag I
surg 4/16/08 clr marg
215 HBO dives
3/09 teeth out, trismus
7/2/09 recur, Stg IV
8/24/09 trach, ND, mandiblctmy
3wks medicly inducd coma
2 mo xtended hospital stay, ICU & burn unit
PICC line IV antibx 8 mo
10/4/10, 2/14/11 reconst surg
OC 3x in 3 years
very happy to be alive smile