Brilliant, "T"!

where were you 3 years ago when I was crying myself to sleep and wondering if Alex and I were going to make it?

3 years later, we are as strong as ever (stronger even for having shared the experience) and every word you have written could have been Alex and I.

I would only add that cognitive function due to chemotherapy (Alex had triple therapy induction chemo) made Alex irritable as he got lost in even short conversations. He could not concentrate on anything for longer than a few minutes and this caused some outbursts that came from left field.

I would also add that the carer asking "are you sure?" or making a further suggestion after the patient has said "no" is a sure fire way of bringing out the Mr Hyde when the patient is tired, miserable and wondering if it is all worth it. If I had one piece of advice for a new carer, it would be to accept that no means no, and cajoling and threatening serves no purpose other than to raise everyone's blood pressure. Whilst your loved one is acting like a 2 year old, they are actually an adult. As such at the end of the day, the choices are theirs. I found this nearly impossible to accept in the beginning.

I was frustrated (understatement) with Alex's behaviour and thought it a death wish but it was his way of trying to maintain some control. His whole life had been handed over to others and he struggled with this. Obviously some of his choices were poor due to his drug addled confusion but my job was to help him through the confusion - not make the choices for him. I did not learn this easily and I can thank my lucky stars that Alex was too sick and weak to toss me off the balcony. I guess Alex wasn't the only one behaving badly