Sorry its been so long between postings. The last couple of weeks have been rough. A colonoscopy and upper gi showed that jims cancer spread to colon, stomach, and intestines. he has internal bleeding in his colon and kidneys that cant be controlled. he was getting weekly blood transfusions to control his blood levels until wednesday when the pain became to much. his kidneys and liver are failing. jims skin and whites of his eyes are turning yellow and we cant get his hemoglobin level above 9 and it drops within days to around 5 when he gets another transfusion. his quality of life is no longer what he wants for himself so the doctors had a very honest talk with us and told us there was really nothing more that they could do. jims cancer was very aggressive and has spread to virtually every organ. his liver and kidneys are failing, we cant control his blood and they suggested hospice. we chose to do hospice in our home and started that on wednesday. jims pain is now being controlled with a morphine pump, there will be no more blood transfusions or any cancer treatments. the doctors think that sometime between christmas and new years jims blood levels will drop so low that it wont be able to sustain his heart and it will just stop. hospice is going to keep him medicated and comfortable until the end. they have promised me that when his blood pressure drops they will increase the morphine to put him in a deep sleep so his lungs dont start acting up in the coughing spasms that he has that drops his heartrate. it is a very heartbreaking but yet heartwarming time right now. all our children came home to spend the remaining time with jim. we put a hospital bed in the living room so he wont feel trapped in a bedroom. we have family and friends visiting everyday and saying their goodbyes. we are able to discuss jims wishes and we even planned his funeral together. although i was hoping that jim didnt leave us over the holidays we appreciate the time we have with him now and are trying to enjoy every minute before his blood levels drop and he doesnt wake up again. it could happen in a matter of days so we are spending our time talking, crying, laughing and remembering wonderful times together we have shared over the years. jims death is going to devastate me and many others but i know there is a better place with no cancer and suffering. he earned his right to be there and i know that someday we will be together again. i pray now that this transition goes as pain free and comforting as possible and that my kids and i can find the strength to get through our lives without him here. ill update when my amazing husband is finally released from his pain and goes home. thank you all for your continued prayers and support. my husband fought an impossible battle with courage, strength and dignity. i couldnt be more proud of him and will always remember him as he was before he got sick. i will not allow cancer to take that memory from me.