Charm, you have said it perfectly for me. Many times I have said to Kris that perhaps this is a bad dream that we will wake up from.
I even wish there was a parallel universe we could slip into where the nightmare just isn't happening.
Back to reality. I know we will adapt and accept this new normal for us but hell I grieve for what we have lost.
Tammy

Caregiver/advocate to Husband Kris age 59@ diagnosis
DX Dec '10 SCC BOT T4aN2bM0 HPV+ve.Cisplatin x3 35 IMRT.
PET 6/11 clear.
R) level 2-4 neck dissection 8/1/11 to remove residual node - necrotic with NED
Feb '12 Ca back.. 3/8/12 total glossectomy/laryngectomy/bilat neck dissection/partial pharyngectomy etc. clear margins. All nodes negative for disease. PEG in.
March 2017 - 5 years disease free. Woohoo!