Hi Eric,
If only I had found this website when I was diagnosed with stage 4 oral cancer in April of 2003. I didn't find this site until after I had surgery and finished radiation. I am also 42, married and our three youngest daughters are 9, 11 and 13. Word of advice to you for the girls, talk ALOT to them, let them know how you feel. I remember telling my 13 year old, Mercedes, that I couldn't promise her that I would come out of this OK but that I was sure going to do my best. She kept trying to get me to promise her that the cancer would never come back and even though all I wanted to do was to make her fear go away, I couldn't tell her something I didn't know. Be real honest with them. If I have learned one thing through all this it's that kids are so adaptive, they can take on anything if you have the right attitude. They will want to help take care of you. You sound alot like my husband so that might be tough for you at first but try. I have always been the caregiver for my family so it was hard for me to become a patient.
For my surgery I had the lower part of my left jaw taken out and replaced with a bone from my leg along with a left side neck disection. Had the trach, all of it. Believe it or not, only my mother could tell now. Surgery was the easy part for me, the radiation is what kicked my butt! I am 7 months past radiation now and life is good, pretty much "normal".
You can get through this Eric, lean on your wife and kids, let everyone take care of you for awhile. One thing my friends did for me was a "meals" program. For the first two months after I was home from surgery, another family delivered dinner to us every night of the week. It was an amazing show of generosity and caring and helped my family so much (not that I was that great a cook, lol. My family has never eaten so well!).
Please don't read or listen to the stupid statistics you will find on cancer. I did and sent myself into a tailspin about it until I listened to others on this board. Mark and Gary are a wealth of knowledge, always there to help and encourage and Brian, even though he doesn't know it, has gotten me through some pretty rough times with the words he will post. People on this site are here for you, you will empower yourself by listening to them. There are sad stories, some posters that are still sick, etc. But keep in mind that the posters that battle this and win usually move on with their lives and don't visit the board to often. There are so many on here that will enlighten you and make you feel like you can go on.
Please keep us updated on everything so we can walk through it all with you.
Minnie

SCC Left Mandible. Jaw replaced with bone from leg. Neck disection, 37 radiation treatments. Recurrence 8-28-07, stage 2, tongue. One third of tongue removed 10-4-07. 5-23-08 chemo started for tumor behind swallowing passage, Our good friend and much loved OCF member Minnie has been lost to the disease (RIP 10-29-08). We will all miss her greatly.