Hi Michele. Welcome to OCF. Congrats on being 4 years post treatment. You are no longer alone, you have found a huge resource with the OCF forum. We are an extended family to many survivors and caregivers.

I understand your concern about having a recurrence. After what you have been thru its very scary to consider being sick again. The symptoms of a recurrence are the same as what you would experience when getting sick the first time. Some people get an ear ache, sore throat or an unhealing sore. I am not one who likes to pay attention to statistics. Every year you are cancer free the odds go down for getting a recurrence.

If you are continually focusing on worrying about your mortality it might benefit you to speak to a professional. Many cancer patients will seek out therapists to help them get past these feelings. Maybe finding this forum can help you to realize how fortunate you are an help you to get past your concerns. Do your best to live for one day at a time.

I have gone thru oral cancer 3 times. Every time I got well I ended up being sick again. It seemed like a never ending battle, 3 times in 3 years was too much. I was always terrified about recurrences, so much so that I wouldnt even read the recurrence posts. I had a silly fear it would somehow make me get sick again. I have learned to live in the present and to not overthink my future. I cant worry about being sick. The 3rd time I went for a biopsy I had never felt better, no symptoms. The day before I was diagnosed I went on a 25 mile bike ride with my son. I could not believe it when my doc told me I had cancer again. The whole time I waited to have my mandibulectomy, I lived for the moment. I did everything to make memories with my children. The 3rd round taught me not to waste one precious moment worrying about something you cant control. I am very very lucky to be alive and I have learned to appreciate so much. Sure I have some problems with different after effects but they are not anything too debilitating.

Wish I had some way to help you to see how fortunate you are. I hope you can find some contentment and appreciate being cancer free for 4 years.

Christine
SCC 6/15/07 L chk & by L molar both Stag I, age44
2x cispltn-35 IMRT end 9/27/07
-65 lbs in 2 mo, no caregvr
Clear PET 1/08
4/4/08 recur L chk Stag I
surg 4/16/08 clr marg
215 HBO dives
3/09 teeth out, trismus
7/2/09 recur, Stg IV
8/24/09 trach, ND, mandiblctmy
3wks medicly inducd coma
2 mo xtended hospital stay, ICU & burn unit
PICC line IV antibx 8 mo
10/4/10, 2/14/11 reconst surg
OC 3x in 3 years
very happy to be alive smile