Hi Jeanna

Some people just don't get it and if they are not living with it, it is impossible for them to fully appreciate the day to day trials. I have to share here so am going to hijack you slightly - hope you don't mind ...

Wicked Witch of the East(WWE) and Alex are currently going through an ugly and drawn out property settlement 6 years after the marriage ended. She thinks Alex has "recovered from throat cancer" and is equating his health issues with her back injury of 7 years ago. It did indeed caused her to take 12 weeks off work but seems not to have hindered her physical pursuits beyond that time. She insists she can't sleep at night because of back pain and needs to have a back operation that costs tens of thoussands of dollars. Poor love, back injury must have cut off the blood supply to her brain as well because she seems to have forgotten that healthcare is free in Australia and New Zealand. She might struggle to find a surgeon to perform it too, as she is over 6 years too late for the surgery to be effective (microdiscectomy for the medics out there). On top of this, the poor dear is now concerned she might be suffering mesothelithingamy from asbestos which MIGHT have been used to back some vinyl kitchen tiles she removed from the floor back in 1999.

According to WWE's recollection of events, Alex "happily" told her that he was "clear of cancer" and would be "back at work shortly". This conversation was in June 2010 after chemo and before chemorads started. Alex was bald, grey skinned, dangerously thin, hadn't eaten(as in chewed and swallowed), or worked for 4 months, had suffered lung collapse 3 times during chemo, and undergone a lung resection that nearly killed him. It is true that his PET in June showed there were no mets to the rest of the body and the chemo had shrunk his primary tumour to the point we were going for curative rather than palliative chemoRAD. And yes, there was definitely cause for relief but definitely not celebration as suggested by WWE. The difference between clear of metastases and clear of cancer was completely lost on her. But of course Alex was being upbeat as we all are when strangers ask how we are and the silly cow ignored her eyes and switched off her brain so she wouldn't feel obliged to offer empathy or support.

So back to your story, Jeanna, there are just some people that have no clue and there is nothing we can do to educate them unless they themselves fall victim to a similar catastrophe. Of course you hope they never will and wouldn't wish oral cancer on your worst enemy (well, maybe on WWE), so they will never know how ignorant and offensive their comments are.

As others have already suggested, you can only ignore the comments and pity the people for their lack of understanding. In some cases they can be so far off the mark (as in your case) you can only laugh at such utterly misguided perceptions. In WWE's case, her view of life is so wild it could be elevated to "fairy story" status, and has caused many a late night giggle as one of us repeats one of her more fantastic assertions or comments. Makes an ugly situation slightly easier to bear.