First of all, you are NOT a nut. In fact, you are a courageous person for taking steps to take care of your health and coming here to talk to us about how this Tx has affected you. As Cheryl mentions, talking to a counselor would be a good thing if this keeps happening. Do you have a family doctor that you could start with in telling him what's happening? When these bad feelings/thoughts come up, you can give them a time limit to actually recognize what they are doing to your body and to give them compassion. And then choose to lead your thoughts to more positive activities. I like what Jill Bolte Taylor ("My Stroke of Insight" p.150) says in similar situations: "I am in control of how I choose to think and feel about those things". Then she goes on in talking to her brain cells with: ". . . I appreciate your ability to think thoughts and feel emotions, but I am really not interested in thinking these thoughts or feeling these emotions anymore. Please stop bringing this stuff up." Or could could just say "Stop" or "Cut the Crap!" And be forceful in directing your brain towards the positive stuff, maybe starting with some deep breathing or vacuuming or whatever makes you feel better. You have been through so much but have come through it with very encouraging checkup results. You deserve to be compassionate and gentle with yourself and do whatever you can in getting yourself to a good and happy place!