I signed on for the first time in a long time yesterday and since then have been reading the posts and thinking how good it felt to talk so I would like to go on a little more. My mom has suffered with the reprecussions for years now massive weight loss, depression, not being able to eat, fear, and med side effects too long to list. Sometime she is too sick to get out of bed and all I can do is make sure she drinks enough to stay hydradeted. The cancer is gone but the problems remain. I foolisly thought that when the cancer was over and done with so would the problems be. Since my last post I have had a little boy and I think that helps sometimes. But that is not always enough all the meds and the radiation and all the other stuff caused my mom to have a clotting problem she has had three strokes this year. One major two minor. Through them all my mom forgot me each time. I know she has no control over it and I hold no anger twoards her but I feel like I am just not good enough anymore. I cant help her I cant fix it and all the while I am so scared to go back to school because each time I have tried in the past one or the other of my parents have been found to have cancer/ There is a prt of me that never wants them to leave my sight. I have nightmares all the time I cant sleep any more and I really am scared to go to a doctor or hospital for anything. I am humiliated to admit all this but I need help I need to be strong for my parents and I feel like I am fraying. Ps could someone tell me what you did to pull out of the dark days.