Following an accident at work 6 years ago,i have suffered from mobility issues that have left me registered disabled,and i havent worked since.In 2005 i went to college full time for a year and did a business diploma,and also various IT certificates.The ultimate goal for me,was to get a job in medical administration,where i could use my hospital training and my new computer skills.
All this was put on hold following Robins diagnosis and the ensuing months,then for weeks i had no desire to do anything except sit and wallow in self pity wondering what if any future i had to look forward to.
I still feel like that as far as my own future is concerned,but at last i have made some positive moves regarding my future contribution to society.
If i lived to be two hundred i could never repay the People who cared for Robin in the last 21 days of his life,and the hospices in the Uk are nearly all charity funded with only a small percentage of the money required to keep them functioning coming from the health service.They rely totally on fundraising,donations and legacies,and are staffed by a small number of salaried employees and an incredible amount of of volunteers.(1,000 on the books of Robs hospice)Without these people the hospices would cease to be,and most of them are giving there time and expertise for no renumeration,as the only way they know of giving something back,and saying thankyou.

Last week i rang St Michaels Hospice in Harrogate and asked about volunteering,they sent me lots of forms which i filled in,and yesterday i had an interview with the human resources department.
When i come back from the middle east in January i will take up my new post as assistant to the press and communications officer.They would like me to set up and administer a Data Base relating to all press and communications matters,and then maintain it.
WOW !!!! i hope i can do it. I will put my best effort in to doing a good job,but its scary.Moving back in to the real world is a terrifying prospect,and i suppose not that surprising that i am doing it within an environment i have become so familiar with.
Who knows maybe one day in the not too distant future i may feel able to move out of the world of cancer that still seems to consume me so totally.

Sunday evening i will attend the Christmas"Light up a life" carol service in the grounds of the hospice.I have bought a light to go on the Christmas tree in Robins name at his own hospice and also one at St Michaels ,his brother and daughter and frinds are going to the same service at the Hampshire hospice on the same day.
It should be a magical service,and will be my only participation in any Christmas celebration.
What could be better.To illuminate a shining light as a beacon of hope to all the people in the world fighting disease and despair,and to celebrate the life of those who didnt make it.

I wish you all peace and joy over Christmas,and will think of you all while i am overseas.(just two weeks til i leave)and as the lights on the tree are lit i will say a prayer for fallen friends we have lost this terrible year and for the continued recovery and survival of so many of you who have loved ,supported and prayed for us in our hour of need.

my deepest love and respect

liz