Nicki

Take a deep breath, hold it, release and relax. There is zero guarantee that having the surgery first would have changed anything. It's not like if you Dad had the surgery then he would have been able to avoid the radiation and chemo. Standard practice is to give rad and chemo even after major surgery.

When my cancer came back, I had very similar thoughts, worries and second guesses. I was driving myself nuts and put my poor ENT on the spot, asking why she hadn't done the surgery first thing. She explained that they were trying to "spare me" and that for the majority of her patients even those with Stage IV, the radiation and chemo does the trick.

I am speaking from sad experience when I tell you that the aftermath of the surgery was far more devastating to my quality of life than the radiation and chemo the first time.

You sound like such a caring daughter that I am quite positive that if you had pushed for the surgery and then your dad couldn't eat or speak, you would be posting here and blaming yourself for not doing the radiation and chemo first to see if they worked.

Like Christine, I would make the exact same choice to skip the surgery at first and take the way of less harm.
Charm