Dawn

Please quit even thinking that you could have done more for your Dad. It's just "magical thinking" because the sad truth is that your Dad's cancer is bad and the TX is even worse. Quality of life trumps even finances - and I respect your Dad's apparent calculus that he does not want to throw good money after bad. I have railed here before about how Society requires Cancer patients alone out of all the diseases to "fight to the end". You never see an obituary about how someone fought heart disease, or lost the battle to heart disease.
As for insights, I'd recommend you read this entire thread
Surviving or Existing
EZJim is one of our most upbeat posters, yet he has the same dark nights of the soul that many of us do. None of us are 85 - and I don't think EZJim, Christine or myself are counting on making 85 - but speaking strictly for myself, I would die then and there if radiation and chemo were still the only treatments.
Charm