Oh it's so hard to keep from being furious that life as before is over and it doesn't seem in my case that it will ever get better. I am used to healing very fast. I broke my shoulder in a bunch of places and had metal and nine screws put in, but I healed up. I don't seem to be healing from cancer surgery and radiation. I have mouth pain all day every day and I'm just sick of it. I had to have another biopsy a couple weeks ago so that put another big hole in my tongue to start over healing. I am so sick of watching other people gobble food and enjoy it so much. I don't even want to go in a restaurant any more, and of course that's where everyone wants to meet. I hear the audience gasp when Michael Douglas says he has stage IV cancer and I am reminded again what a bad position I'm in. I'm on Zoloft but I am still really depressed with this way of "living" -- seems just to never improve.