Susan, thank you, thank you, thank you. It's really valuable to hear this from a therapist. Getting those negative thoughts for me is inevitable and I know I'll go back to it but your message will have me sleep peacefuly tonight, that's for sure. Do you suggest I should talk with a therapist? I don't know what's in store for me and my mom, she's my best friend. I don't think I can exist without her. I'm so lost sometimes. The fear of losing her combined with the guilt really gets me down. A history of depression doesn't help either. I'm just wondering where my life went, still hard to believe this is not a nightmare I can wake up from. Sometimes I want to feel distant from her so that I don't get irreversably depressed from whatever might happen. But i think at this stage putting an emotional distance would be cruel to her, because she's my mother and she'd feel it. Plus i dont even think i can feel that way. Sorry i'm rambling here...