Lisa, I don't know much about any of this specifically so I will leave that advice to the voices of experience here. But through my work,I have worked with people who have had to deal with reactions from friends, family, neighbors over difficult situations(death of a loved one, children with special needs, illnesses,etc). It is amazing what well meaning people can say or do. I think often people just get so nervous they get inappropriate.
I think it's important to get comfortable nicely but firmly cutting off those reactions immediately. With every thing else you are dealing with, you don't need to process or internalize other people's difficulty with it.
It might help to develop a few answers in your mind to put a stop to behaviors you find uncomfortable.