After posting the message and reading the replies I now feel I may have used a bad word. I would never want to hurt anyone. I had a choice this morning, either crawl back in my dungeon or post another msg. I don't like the dungeon. I have been out of treatment for 2 yrs but I'm not sure if I have survived yet. Employers frown on old guys w/cancer history so I have not found a job I can hold up doing. I have to watch my wife go to work while I stay home and that hurts. When I used the 'brave' word I was thinking of a friend of mine who lost her husband and went on anyway and my brothers wife who lost my brother to cancer and went on anyway. ...I was a little guy in school(nearly 100 by graduation) and an easy target for bullies, but I went to school and finished. In the Marines I had a few busted bones from bullies but I served my time honorably. Cancer is the last bully I have encountered and it left me pretty beat-up but I'll get up everyday,shave, write my books, keep my shirttail tucked in and try to smile even if my face does hurt. I never did like bullies.