Dear Thalia, Please read this response keeping in mind that a 66 yr. old retired English teacher is responding to you "Freaked and blue" is a very normal response to your situation. "Scared, worried and depressed" are other descriptions that come to mind. As to "laying your trip on him"-telling someone you love that you care and want to whatever you can to be there for him is good, and expressing your fear and pain for his situation is honest. How does a caregiver get "juiced up"? Well, in my experience, it comes from within. How strong are you? How committed are you? How deep can you dig to get both of you through this? AND please don't forget the people here who will help you along the way. It takes a team to fight this disease. Amy in the Ozarks