I got bad news yesterday!! I had an MRI and FNA both of which confirmed that my new lump was cancerous. I attended at a H & N Oncology clinic yesterday to meet with my surgeon and RO only to be told that there was in fact 3 new lumps/lesions in my jaw and neck and at this point surgery is not really an option. I have to go to the Peter MacCallum Hospital (Melbourne's CCC) next week to meet with my RO and MO to discuss my options.

I don't know what these options will be and my Surgeon keeps telling me to stay positive. My emotions are a little raw at the moment because I know the prognosis has to be poor - but I'm trying to stay positive for my family's sake. There are also practical things that I want to update and do (like my will, power of attorney etc.)but my husband keeps telling me not to talk like that.

I'd still like to go to the retreat but that won't be an option if I'm having treatments. If I'm lucky, and I have quick easily tolerated treatments I may still get to go (it starts on the 30th November) or even postpone it until the New Year.

I think I'm back at the 'why me' stage - I don't understand why I got this cancer when I never smoked and drank alcohol only very occasionally. I know that question will never be answered but I so desperately want to grow old with my husband and live to meet my grandchildren! And from the neck down I'm really healthy (mind you I have had a PET scan or chest x-ray for more than 12 months so that may not be case either).

When this all started I was T1N0M0 (tiny ulcer on left lateral tongue) and the ENT said barring being hit by the proverbial bus I was as sure a bet as was possible on living a long, healthy life.

Sue