I dont know what to do with myself. I remember vividly the moment that my mom told us that she had cancer. What I find so hard to believe is that it was only a year ago. I remember thinking to myself that everything was going to be okay and that it wasnt anything to really worry about. My mom tried to make me think that way also. Boy was I wrong. The surgery that she had was 16 hours. I never even heard of surgery lasting that long. I know it was much longer for me than her, waiting is terrible. I also remember the SO coming out and telling us that they werent able to get all the cancer. That is when I knew that we had to worry. But what she suffered with after the surgery is unconscionable! I dont understand why she had to suffer so much in such a short time. That is what I struggle with most days. Now that she is gone I wonder so many things. I just wanna see her again to ask her these questions! She was so strong and taught me so much in this last year! I hope she watches over me, I can barely get out of bed some days! I think she is the one that gives me a little nudge just to do it.

Thanks for letting me vent, I would like to reiterate my feeling that CANCER SUCKS!

I think about all who continue to fight this terrible disease often, know that you and your families are in my prayers!

Colleen