Daisy - Your husband's comments about giving up make great sense to me. I was given a similarly bleak picture when diagnosed three years ago. There was no point in putting me or my family through a grueling treatment. Its expensive, it can be painful, and its frightening. Why not just hold my head up high, and stride bravely into the sunset. My time has come. Its noble. Its a quick solution. It made sense to me. I even considered driving my car into a bridge abutment. Nothing anyone said to me changed my view.

Then, I realized it was fear. The fact that I had the BIG C was overwhelming. I had watched my dad die slowly and painfully of cancer - rotting away by inches for months. Horrifying. Everyone who gets cancer dies. Right? That was my belief.

My oncologist listened to my very rational argument about NOT having treatment and just dying with my dignity intact - head held high. Then he proceeded to tell me what dying of this type of cancer would be like - nothing quick or noble about it. He suggested I would spend months on massive amounts of narcotics to ease the constant pain, too weak to take my own life, but aware enough to suffer. The man had my attention. Then he told me about treatment.

There wouldn't be any guarantees. Its not easy, but very manageable, and the "possibility" of a good outcome. The "take my cancer and die" choice had only ONE outcome possible. This treatment he described had TWO. I like options. The idea of "beating" the treatment and winning the war was a challenge. I like challenges. Might win, might lose - but it would be a glorious battle.

Your husband is a warrior. A brave and practical man. His fears and concerns are deserved. What he lacks is options. Put him in front of more competent docs. Get him to listen to them. He will come around and fight. There is nothing so satisfying as thumbing your nose at those doom and gloom docs. Get him in front of docs who really know this disease.

Get him in here with us. Have him email me. I'll talk to him. He is afraid and he should be. As that lifts a little, he will come back out and fight. We all did, and we are many. I'll send you a phone number where he can call me if you want. Email me. Don't worry about your warrior not fighting. He will. He can do this. You can do this. Let us help. Be strong. Tom