Marv where are you being treated? Are you at a major Comprehensive Cancer Centre? For us it came down to "do you want to live? Or not? Then it became a simple decision. I do not see how a Dr at a local centre or anywhere else can decide on your quality of life. Quality of life is what you make of it.
I urge you to get another opinion from a CCC. These hospitals are at the cutting edge of treatments. They see hundreds of oral cancer Patients each year. Unlike the local hospital which only see a handful.
Christine mentioned Miss Kate. Her quality of life is fantastic. She works and has had 2 children since her surgery. We have mentored a number of other patients through successful surgery and adaption to their new life.
Has immunotherapy been discussed? I have seen others respond remarkably to this and remain disease free.
Marv, I encourage you to rethink "quality of life". Seek out that surgeon at a CCC who can help you.
I also totally respect that the decision is yours. Just wanting to help you see options.
Tammy

Caregiver/advocate to Husband Kris age 59@ diagnosis
DX Dec '10 SCC BOT T4aN2bM0 HPV+ve.Cisplatin x3 35 IMRT.
PET 6/11 clear.
R) level 2-4 neck dissection 8/1/11 to remove residual node - necrotic with NED
Feb '12 Ca back.. 3/8/12 total glossectomy/laryngectomy/bilat neck dissection/partial pharyngectomy etc. clear margins. All nodes negative for disease. PEG in.
March 2017 - 5 years disease free. Woohoo!