So, reticent and negligent, the prodigal HNC patient returns with some less-than-pleasant news. My 6 month PET scan came back with 2 spots, one in the neck that is very small and could be nothing but is probably a recurrence that will require surgery (wonderful) and a second spot in the chest which is "concerning".

I meet with my RO on Wednesday, but my ENT and the pulmonary oncologist he spoke to believe this to be too deep to biopsy. Their recommendation right now is to get a targeted CT scan in about 6 weeks and take another look and then determine treatment options. I see from reading, however, that distant metastasis to the chest is not a particularly great thing.

The ENT described the treatment as "for cure" so I am guardedly optimistic, but I must say my reading has not been encouraging to this point. Hopefully my RO has something more encouraging to say although we (my wife and I) worry he might have a bit of and "I can save everyone" complex.

As before, I'm frightened, a bit depressed and very worried. Maybe it's a bit of a false positive on the PET scan but I think that is foolishly optimistic -- I am preparing for the worst and considering curative vs. palliative discussions -- I hope they choose their words wisely. Meanwhile, all I can do is wait until Wednesday to talk to the other doc and then hope for good news at the turn of the new year.

I had hoped I had this thing beat and assumed I did. I guess I'm lucky they are doing 3 month scans as any hope I might have hinges on the idea that early recurrence/metastasis at least lends hope to curative treatment. As before, I am so lucky for my wife -- she spent another long weekend sheltering me from what I think of as my own personal "Pigs on the Wing" -- my sadness, fears and anger over this stupid, unfair disease. Yeah, feeling a bit sorry for myself today. I can muster Hellion by name, Hellion by nature fighting spirit when they tell me my options -- today I just need to feel bad, feel sad and feel like everything sucks.