Jamie, how my heart aches to read your post. It really does feel like a large heavy door slamming in ones face when you get news so hard and unexpected.
That wonderful positive attitude which has kept you asking questions and advocating for your Mom is your most powerful tool and therapy as well. Keep challenging those docs; get another consult with a medical oncologist if you can. I believe there is always something that can at least ease the way ahead. Quality of life is a big deal for most of us...we usually don't get to set the time frame. It is amazing what people can recover from..this forum is full of those stories.
You and your Mom will be in my closest thoughts as you journey forward through this further challenge.
Blessings,
Fran

SCC Base of tongue diag. April 04 Stage IV, mets to rt. neck multiple nodes 35 rads+8 boosts First recurrence Jan05. Rt.rad neck dissection Feb02/05. Recurred with bone mets in neck July 05.
Committed to survival with dignity.