Interesting little article in yesterday's Washington Post on an alternative approach to "positive thinking" for those of us suffering from cancer. Not to keep those who don't want to read it in suspense: mindfulness. Enjoy
Mindfulness instead of can do
Every approach helps in my mind so I keep on the lookout for these types of articles. Still this particular article lacks the zing of the psychology today article I quoted in the survivor's forum: [quote]In the school of hard knocks, cancer amounts to earning a Ph.D[/quote]
Dr. Charm, Ph.D (BOT);)

I'll go out on a limb here and say it truly is an experience lesson none of us needed.....

Brings a whole new meaning to the term "terminal degree".

Charm - Thought you might appreciate some feedback on your post. My current role has been as a caretaker but during my working years I was a R.N. I was puzzled by the idea that somehow patients who died did not want to live as much as those who survived. I could see that that was a false premise.

I found it insightful that the author of the article mentions that when optimism comes naturally, it can be a great benefit. My husband did fit into this category. For others, it might not be the best coping mechanism. This leads to two issues that I have now unfortunately experienced personally.

Telling a distressed patient that "positive thinking" is the answer, just try harder, I know you can do it, etc. can lead him/her to put on a false show of courage, instead of feeling free to voice fears and concerns. This is often exhausting for the patient to maintain and he/she might choose to isolate instead.

I think it also ties in with the idea that sometimes the medical world tries to blame the patient when clear answers are lacking. After all, considering all types of cancers, I don't think that most patients have the assumed risk factors. You can do everything right and still get cancer. Remember when we blamed a mother's parenting style for autism, even after it was clear that this was not the case?

TravelLottie

thanks. I agree. well, I see that Psychology Today just posted the article for free on Cancer survivors that I saw in my paper copy: The New Cancer Survivors
My caregiver wife pointed out that the article did not address the major quality of life issues that linger on for oral cancer patients that other cancer survivors do not have to deal with.
Still, I thought the forum would enjoy it.
charm

Travelottie,

Your case is well articulated but I still feel that some, perhaps as you said not all, can benefit by getting a gentle push of optimism, like "you can do it" or "I'm right with you all the way". Certainly we are all not either high or low on the optimism scale so there will be some on the bubble and nudging them might just be the key that unlocks their burst of determination and outlook that may very well play a role in their outcome. Over the years we have had many people come here ready to quit or thinking they can't "do it" and I think it's our duty to try and convince them otherwise.

David - Yes, It all certainly has to be considered on an individual basis. There were plenty of times that I encouraged my husband along (just as you state above) and also reminded myself to stay positive. But a false sense of "cure by positive thinking" is not for every situation or person. Having said that, the encouragement I've received on this forum based on realistic information has been invaluable and I thank everyone.

I suggested this approach to my husband:
Your job is to do whatever is necessary to get through treatment. Forget about meeting the expectations of others. Now is the time to be self centered.
My job is to take care of everything else. Together we'll get through this part and then evaluate the next step based on the prognosis.

Charm - Your wife is so right. People just do not understand the ramifications of this treatment. Remember the thread about a receptionist that told an OC pt, "You'll be able to drive yourself to rad tx. My sister just finished rad for breast cancer and she had no problem driving." Then the after effects... Lottie

Friends,
When I was going through treatment and recovery and some well-meaning type would say "keep a positive attitude", I would just laugh to myself because they had no idea what I was going through. By some chance or luck, I had a pretty good attitude, and that made life a little easier for me, but I don't believe that it had anything to do with my recovery.
In fact, when people say things like, "you must wake up every day and be so thankful, just to be alive", or "you must appreciate all the flowers and sunsets", etc., my retort is : "Actually, when I really realized that I had recovered and was my old self again, was when I started getting angry at other drivers in traffic, and began insulting fellow lawyers in the courthouse elevators in the morning, just like the old days". I knew I had regained my edge.

I don't want to walk around every day smelling the flowers...I just want to live a normal life with all of its ups and downs...and I am doing just that.

Take care...and keep a good att........never mind.

Danny G.

Danny, Well put. Gratitude for being alive is a wonderful thing but it is too much intensity to live every moment like it might be your last. It can be paralyzing. Most people want to be normal again, able do everyday things, including getting angry, being a jerk, etc.

Another thing that did not help me was the idea that I'd appreciate life more after cancer. Well, my husband and I appreciated life before cancer. We had already dealt with some adversity and didn't need another lesson.

Another thing - It could be worse & others are in worse shape. That doesn't help me. It just makes me incredibly sad that others suffers even more! Lottie

On appreciating life....it's hard to find time to do when I wake up at 6am, feed, clean up after and care for 7 cats, get ready for work,in the office by 7:30, am a full time CPA, work extra for the fun of it at my wife's restaurant and our Cigar Bar, get home around 7:30 on a good day, feed and clean up after 7 cats for the pm shift and all during the day care for one office cat and 2 "never will grow up" large dogs who are no less trouble than two 5 year old's. I am convinced that my wife saved my butt for less than honorable reasons.