Hello - my name is Meg and my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 squamos cell in her gums one month ago. My mom is 75, weighs 100 pounds, many teeth problems (infections, root canals, etc.) highly anxious emotional state (takes 5-15 milligrams valium per day), smoker for 50 years and not quitting - overall a very compromised immune system.

Anyways, after one month of meeting doctors - oncologist, radiologist, etc. the prescribed treatment plan was radiation plus chemotherapy for 7 weeks, 5 days a week. Doctors said my mom was too old for any surgical treatment - prognosis was 60% probability treatment would cure cancer. Additionally, automatic feeding tube and morphine would be needed. And before this begins she would need to have all teeth work completed.

after much thought my mom decided not to pursue radiation/chemo at this time. she recognizes the challenges of the treatment course and does not believe she can live through the treatment. her children (me plus 4 others) agree with this course of action right now - we believe every one of these appointments has taken one month off her remaining life. the drs were appalled that we would not go through with the treatment - every one of them - while at the same time recognzing the severity of the treatment on such a compromised physical health situation.

however, - none of these doctors gave us any specifics as what to expect next since we are not going through with treatment - is there anyone out there who can provide some details on what to expect and what we should be looking for. she is going to be monitored once a month to check the growth and to see if it has metastasized. what should we expect and what should we be looking for?? thank you very much

Hi Meg,

I respect your mom's decision to to seek treatment and I can tell you that with the cancer being left untreated and with your mom continuing to smoke, the future looks pretty bleak.

I wonder what the plan is after the monitoring finds that the tumor is growing and/or she is found to have meatastatic areas of cancer?

I'm sure no one is telling you anything specific as it would be impossible to say how her situation will progress, but progress it will. We have lost many members over the years and there certainly is no specific pattern that they all fell into.

Jerry

Meg, welcome to OCF. Im sure the decision to not go thru with treatments wasnt an easy one for your mother. A feeding tube and morphine are things used to help a person thru treatment. Although treatments are not easy to endure they are necessary to win the battle.

I do understand that the appointments have taken their toll on your mother. Its not easy going from doctor to doctor. Please listen to what they have to say, they are looking out for the best interests of their patient. Without treatment it will be a very very hard road for your mother. This cancer is very aggressive.

Please take some time to read posts on this site and you will gain so much information. It may allow you to better understand that this can be done and without treatment what lies ahead.

Best of luck with whatever road is chosen.

Meg, I am 73 and believe me, she may be in my age range, but she sure as heck can beat this stuff. You daughters should be reading abut the treatments and no condoning her just letting it run it's course. I have handled treatments better than a lot of much younger ones and I have a smile 1 mile wide at all times. It's great to be alive and kicking my heels up. Encourage her to get another opinion or 2 then choose the best. I sure am glad I had my family and my family in the forums boosting me forward and encouraging me. This is all new to you now, but it will be more understandable soon. Good luck to Mom and all of you.

Sorry I don't respect her decision and I think it's criminal of you kids to bless it. You both need to understand she WILL DIE and perhaps within a year. Please read some of the posts by others that have had to watch their loved ones die from this cancer and maybe you will get a better understanding of your decisions.

She needs to understand smoking is and will kill her and stop it immediately. Even at 75 she can have many joyful years remaining by enduring just 7 weeks of treatment.

Life, in my opinion, is a special gift and until it's proven to me, we only get one shot at it so everyone needs to snap out of it and say, you know what I don't want (Mom)to die and all I have to do to continue living is quit smoking, have my teeth pulled and go through 7 weeks of really effective treatment.

JM2C's

You need to discuss with your doctors asap a major pallative treatment plan if your Mom persists in deciding she wants to die. My doctors were quite explicit about how the tumors would grow and how painful the process would beYou mom will still need a feeding tube and much more than just morphine to get to the end. So read some of the blogs here and posts about people dying. It will be the worst year of your mother's life and yours.
Now I understand your Mom's feelings and my own mother declined any more treatments for her emphysema and lung conditions once the oxygen was not enough. However in her case there was zero possibility of a cure, just prolonging the agony. Your mom has a chance to beat this.
Expect some heated feedback from this group urging you all to reconsider. My doctors gave only a 30% chance of curing my cancer, much less than the 60% chance that your Mom's medical team guesses. They were right in that even after very painful radiation and treatment, my cancer came back and I had to do massive surgery which has stolen my ability to swallow - not even a sip of water or bite of food. I am being told that my cancer will come back again if I don't do more radiation and chemo and even with that, I only have a 50% chance of controlling this cancer BUT I WOULD DO ALL OF IT ALL OVER AGAIN as my wife and son need me.
Just know what you are getting into. I will not sit in judgement of your Mom - it is her choice and my Mom often said how living was not fun anymore - she missed my Dad, my brother, her sisters and brothers, her mom and Dad all who she believed were just waiting in Heaven for her. She even had dreams at the end about their joyous reunion. Please have your doctors sit down with your Mom and walk her through what lies ahead so she does not regret her decision. I know they say right now they cannot answer but if you rephrase the question to: Has any patient ever refused treatment and what happened to them? Or Has the cancer returned to any of your patients and killed them, and how was the last year of their life? you will get more specifics of the possibilities.
Sorry to hear about your Mom
Charm

Hi Meg. First let me tell you how sorry I am for you and your family of the current situation. I do however respect your mom's decision to not seek treatment. If you mom is at peace knowing that she is now faced with a terminal illness. Even with treatment there are no guarantees. My husband was a very, very healthy non-smoking 55 year old when he was diagnosed in January with Stage IV base of tongue cancer. He finished his 7 weeks of chemo and radiaition 3 weeks ago today and it has been beyond brutal. Even with a feeding tube in he has lost 30 lbs. (which he couldn't afford), can't talk, can't swallow etc. Everyone is different but I can't imagine someone at your mom's age and condition going through this. Unfortunately we are all going to die sometime and I certainly wouldn't want the remaining time I have left being miserable and sick potentially buying me maybe a couple of more years. Just my 2 cents.

I guess my view is somewhat jaded since I watched my mom battle pancreatic cancer for 3 1/2 years before she died at 76. We were told "it's caught very early, her chances are great etc." But at the end of the day there are very few people who are "cured" from pancreatic cancer. Believe me my mom fought the good fight but at the end of the day I believe when your number is up, your number is up.

Just continue to love your mom and be there for her. Ultimately it is HER decision to make although you might not agree with it.

Hey Meg
i must have missed the part of your post where you asked for our opinion on your decisions.We had a member here who's Mum took the same decision and he kept a good record of her progress so i thought you might like to read his posts to follow the course and progress of her disease.His screan name is Paul R
and his posts appeared in the forum called Coping / Anger and Fear 09/08/2007 20:02 I am sure they will answer all your questions

good luck to you all

liz

Meg

Of course Liz tells it like it is. You wanted a glimpse of the future, not our opinions. So please disregard the middle part of my post about myself, perhaps your post hit too close to home on my Mom's death- But please do consider my rephrasing the questions to the doctors at the end of - I had a very difficult time getting explicit information on what would happen if I passed on this surgery and radiation, just generalities and those questions worked for me. While it's true that everyone is different etc, it's likely that they have seen patients who died of this cancer and can describe that for you unless they have cured every patient (not true for my doctors so they did reluctantly describe specifics about tumor choking throat, sores etc). You will want the doctors thinking NOW about how to make it easier for your mom.
Charm

I have a very close friend that just beat pancreatic cancer, Maybe you read my post about a 20 yr old that died while eating in a restaurant in Pittsburgh. The lady that beat the cancer is her grandmother. I know this is a rare case, b ut this in one that did it. Heck they thought I was dieing too. but here I sit and enjoying my life 100%. One never knows but you can turn the odds in your favor with positive thoughts and discard any negatives.