#93405 04-08-2009 07:01 AM | Joined: Sep 2006 Posts: 1,357 Likes: 5 "OCF Canuck" Patient Advocate (1000+ posts) | OP  "OCF Canuck" Patient Advocate (1000+ posts)
Joined: Sep 2006 Posts: 1,357 Likes: 5 | Does anyone else have an odd way of looking at things - especially when it comes to purchases or events. I find myself thinking about needing and getting a new pair of waterproof shoes and thinking "will the purchase be worth it - will I live long enough to make this a good buy?" The same thought process applies to new clothes, new glasses, etc.
I also find that I don't miss alot of opportunities to see various events. I do not say it out loud, but I think to myself - "Yes, I'd better go to the Brandon Winter Fair as I don't know whether I will be here next year". The one time I verbalized my thoughts (when we got a new pup last year) my husband thought I'd lost my north
I regularly have a long chat with myself and tell myself I am being stupid - "normal" people dont behave in this manner and then are struck by a car accidents or heart attack. None of us "knows".
I guess I wonder whether others have these thoughts? And now that I have put myself out there, I sure hope everyone chimes in and says of course they think these things!! LOL>
Dr. appointment today for check up and review of new lump. 5 years of lumps and even I think I should be more used to dealing with this!! Cat Scan on April 20th. Will keep you posted.
Donna
Donna,69, SCC L Tongue T2N1MO Stg IV 4/04 w/partial gloss;32 radtx; T2N2M0 Stg IV; R tongue-2nd partial gloss w/graft 10/07; 30 radtx/2 cispl 2/08. 3rd Oral Cancer surgery 1/22 - Stage 1. 2022 surgery eliminated swallowing and bottom left jaw. Now a “Tubie for Life”.no food envy - Thank God! Surviving isn't easy!!!! .Proudly Canadian - YES, UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE IS WONDERFUL! (Not perfect but definitely WONDERFUL)
| | | | | Joined: Mar 2008 Posts: 3,082 Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Mar 2008 Posts: 3,082 | Odd way of thinking? Don't you mean the new normal? At least for events. I have the opposite thoughts about purchases, treating them like events I have been making more purchases that I put off, figuring if I don't buy them now, then I won't get my fair use out them (I keep shirts 20 years and things until they break) This is not odd, this is realistic now that we have been forced to face our mortality
Donna, good luck on those lumps, I know what you are thinking when you go to the Brandon winter fair - next time I may not be so lucky. Even now, trying to learn how to swallow, I have to make radiation appointments for cyber knife or else they think the cancer will come back and take my voice box. True that nobody knows about that errant car, but a better analogy is that we who have Oral cancer need to watch out for a maniac driver who definitely is looking to run us over
Of course, you and I could just be crazy but as the Fleetwood Mac song goes: Nothing I didn't already know,
Charm
65 yr Old Frack
Stage IV BOT T3N2M0 HPV 16+
2007:72GY IMRT(40) 8 ERBITUX No PEG
2008:CANCER BACK Salvage Surgery
25GY-CyberKnife(5) 3 Carboplatin
Apaghia /G button
2012: CANCER BACK -left tonsilar fossa
40GY-CyberKnife(5) 3 Carboplatin
Passed away 4-29-13
| | | | | Joined: Jan 2009 Posts: 216 Gold Member (200+ posts) | | Gold Member (200+ posts)
Joined: Jan 2009 Posts: 216 | Nope not an odd way of thinking...my husband was diagnosed on 12-19 and verbalized that it might be his last Christmas....he doesn't verbalize it much but I can see the wheels turning.
CG to H with SCC BOT T4N2cM0 dx 12/19/08, teeth removed pre-tx; Erbitux & RT-done 3/12/09, PEG 2/9/09-7/14/09; ND 6/16. Pet 6/12-no mets except lymph node in neck removed on 6/16. Chyle leak,2nd surg to repair. Dilate esophagus 4/15/10. Clear PET 12/17/10
| | | | | Joined: Sep 2008 Posts: 130 Senior Member (100+ posts) | | Senior Member (100+ posts)
Joined: Sep 2008 Posts: 130 | Donna,
I too say stuff like that all the time. Right after my DX we were in a book store walked by the 2009 calender. I believe I heard myself say out loud. "I wonder if I even need one of those". I really try not to do it around the kids. Kinda freaks them out.
I now say thinks like, "I survived cancer so I can drive a piece of **** car?"
40 yr old. Stage IV SCC found left tonsil. PET/CT shows cancer on base of tongue, floor of mouth, lymph nodes on both sides. HPV 16 pos. 6 weeks of cisplatin, 43 days of radiation. 73gy on each side.
ND March 2, 2009
reoccurance dx'd Aug 19, 2009
| | | | | Joined: Sep 2006 Posts: 1,357 Likes: 5 "OCF Canuck" Patient Advocate (1000+ posts) | | OP "OCF Canuck" Patient Advocate (1000+ posts)
Joined: Sep 2006 Posts: 1,357 Likes: 5 | Update: As expected, my surgeon told me exactly what I thought he would say - yes its a lump - he doesn't think it is anything but won't know for sure until after the cat scan on April 20th. I don't know what he meant, but he said what he felt wasn't "discrete enough" to be of serious concern?? Has anyone heard this before?
So we wait. Wait for the cat scan and then wait for the results. In the meantime, I will do everything possible to make sure that cancer doesn't steal THESE waiting days.
Donna
Last edited by Pandora99; 04-08-2009 10:04 PM.
Donna,69, SCC L Tongue T2N1MO Stg IV 4/04 w/partial gloss;32 radtx; T2N2M0 Stg IV; R tongue-2nd partial gloss w/graft 10/07; 30 radtx/2 cispl 2/08. 3rd Oral Cancer surgery 1/22 - Stage 1. 2022 surgery eliminated swallowing and bottom left jaw. Now a “Tubie for Life”.no food envy - Thank God! Surviving isn't easy!!!! .Proudly Canadian - YES, UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE IS WONDERFUL! (Not perfect but definitely WONDERFUL)
| | | | | Joined: Sep 2006 Posts: 8,311 Senior Patient Advocate Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Senior Patient Advocate Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Sep 2006 Posts: 8,311 | As expected, my surgeon told me exactly what I thought he would say - yes its a lump -
That's why they get the big bucks.
Lets hope for the best.
BTW is it above freezing there yet?
David
Age 58 at Dx, HPV16+ SCC, Stage IV BOT+2 nodes, non smoker, casual drinker, exercise nut, Cisplatin x 3 & concurrent IMRT x 35,(70 Gy), no surgery, no Peg, Tx at Moffitt over Aug 06. Jun 07, back to riding my bike 100 miles a wk. Now doing 12 Spin classes and 60 outdoor miles per wk. Nov 13 completed Hilly Century ride for Cancer, 104 miles, 1st Place in my age group. Apr 2014 & 15, Spun for 9 straight hrs to raise $$ for YMCA's Livestrong Program. Certified Spin Instructor Jun 2014.
| | | | | Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 5,260 Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 5,260 | Donna, I'm sure you know that Cancer can only steal what we allow it to.One thing it can't steal for sure is your willingness to give it a battle that can kick it's butt. You do have the attitude as we have all seen in the forums. Got ya in the prayers Mam.
Since posting this. UPMC, Pittsburgh, Oct 2011 until Jan. I averaged about 2 to 3 surgeries a week there. w Can't have jaw made as bone is deteroriating steaily that is left in jaw. Mersa is to blame. Feeding tube . Had trach for 4mos. Got it out April.
--- Passed away 5/14/14, will be greatly missed by everyone here
| | | | | Joined: Jan 2009 Posts: 62 Supporting Member (50+ posts) | | Supporting Member (50+ posts)
Joined: Jan 2009 Posts: 62 | Hi Donna, Good luck with your results, you'll be in my prayers. I think alot of us think the same way you do. I buy very little for myself anymore.In fact, not that long ago I was thinking we needed a new bedroom set. I decided I was nuts thinking that because I wasn't going to fix up the bedroom for my husband and his "future" wife! LOL
PS I also have been working on my own little "bucket" list.
Last edited by Buttercup; 04-09-2009 10:47 AM.
DX 6/05 Rt Tonsil SSC advanced to lymph node. Stage 4b. RND, took tonsils, strips off the back of tongue, throat and nose. 19 lymph nodes removed only 1 bad. Once healed, 7 weeks of treatment including 35 IMRT, 7 Cisplatin, 7 Erbitux and 35 nasty Amophostine. Almost 11 yrs out now. Woooo Hoooo!
| | | | | Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 5,260 Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 5,260 | Yes Donna I heard that a couple of weeks ago from both DRs. LOL Funny how they changed their minds and are going to biopsiy my mouth everywhere and my neck too. That neck felt like they put a wildcat in it today after I ran the weedeater, lawnmower and my old Wheel Horse Tractor. I'll give it meds at bedtime and make it happy. I sat down in the recliner after I got decent today the 2nd time, next thing i knew it was 1 1/2 hrs later and I think the pain in there woke me.
Since posting this. UPMC, Pittsburgh, Oct 2011 until Jan. I averaged about 2 to 3 surgeries a week there. w Can't have jaw made as bone is deteroriating steaily that is left in jaw. Mersa is to blame. Feeding tube . Had trach for 4mos. Got it out April.
--- Passed away 5/14/14, will be greatly missed by everyone here
| | | | | Joined: Dec 2008 Posts: 1,004 Patient Advocate (1000+ posts) | | Patient Advocate (1000+ posts)
Joined: Dec 2008 Posts: 1,004 | Donna, I have similar thoughts but a little bit of a different spin. I buy myself whatever I want, whenever I want it. You want to know why? Yes, nobody knows when their expiration date is. However, for us OC people it's a little more in our face (no pun intended)we are just lucky enough to realize what most people don't get a chance to. So I say...buy buy buy!!!
Buttercup...after 3 and half years I think you can treat yourself to new bedroom furniture!!! Paint, get new bedding...think how gorgeous it will be!!! You're not going anywhere, so I wouldn't worry about doing the room for your husband and his new wife (that did make me laugh though)
Suzanne
***********
T1 SCC on right side of tongue
Age 31...27 when diagnosed
4 partial glossectomies
No chemo or radiation
Biopsy on 2/2/10-Clear
Surgery needed again...no later than April 2011
Loving life and just became a mother on 11/25/10
It's not what we CAN'T do..it's what we CAN do:)
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