All these eloquent quotes and here is my offering:

The "words" that had the greatest impact on me came from the song Tim McGraw sang when his father was diagnosed with the brain tumor that eventually killed him. The song was "Live like you were dying", and the words are great. Here they are:

He said I was in my early forties
with a lot of life before me
when a moment came that stopped me on a dime
and I spent most of the next days
looking at the x-rays
Talking bout the options
and talking bout sweet time
I asked him when it sank in
that this might really be the real end
how's it hit you when you get that kinda news
man what'd you do

and he said
I went sky diving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named FuManchu
and I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
and I gave forgiveness I'd been denying
and he said someday I hope you get the chance
to live like you were dying.

He said I was finally the husband
that most the time I wasn't
and I became a friend a friend would like to have
and all the sudden going fishin
wasn't such an imposition
and I went three times that year I lost my dad
well I finally read the good book
and I took a good long hard look
at what I'd do if I could do it all again

and then
I went sky diving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named FuManchu
and I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
and I gave forgiveness I'd been denying
and he said someday I hope you get the chance
to live like you were dying.

Like tomorrow was a gift and you got eternity to think about
what'd you do with it what did you do with it
what did I do with it
what would I do with it'

Sky diving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named FuManchu
and then I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
and I watched an eagle as it was flying
and he said someday I hope you get the chance
to live like you were dying.

The other words that ring in my head when I need strength are the ones that were whispered to me, in the dark, by my then 12 year old daughter the night I came home from the hospital. She wanted to sleep with me and she lay there and asked, "Mom, are you going to die"? The desperate need for her to hear me say "no, I'm not" makes me remember how difficult it was to resist the temptation to tell her just that. I found the strength to tell her that I wasn't planning on dying and would do everything I could to stay with her, but that I couldn't promise her that. It took great strength to tell her that.

I'm not quite sure how this thread turned into what it did, but boy have I learned a lot of wonderful quotes. Thank you all for sharing your favorites.

Minnie, thanks for sharing that heartwarming story of how eloquently you answered that most difficult question that your daughter asked you. I'll bet that was harder than getting used to your implants and temporary denture. Hope things are continuing to get better each day.

Jerry

That quote by Rilke and the one by Emerson are two of my alltime favorites (I had both up on the walls of my house (Rilke) and office (Emerson) long before I ever got hit by cancer.

Minnie, your story of talking to your 12 year old daught really touched me too. I'm sure that was one of the hardest answers you've ever had to give but I'm guessing your daughter will remember that much later, maybe when she's a mother, and understand even more deeply your courage.

Nelie

So, after reading all of these insightful quotes and soul searching thoughts, can anyone tell me how to relay this attitude to my husband, who, after having been through what he's been through, continues to "sweat the small stuff." I hear all the time that people who survive life-threatening situations come to appreciate life and want to make the most of each day. I suppose it is unrealistic to expect that a person's whole personality would change. My husband has always been "easily agitated" for lack of a lengthier explanation, and I really wished for him, after having gone through his treatment and learning of the "odds of recurrence" as the topic of this post, that he may have come to realize that he needs to "chill out." I have pointed this out to him at appropriate times (and also some not so appropriate times) but he is not one to have a lengthy or deep discussion and tends to think I am "over analyzing" if I say more than three sentences about anything. Those people who claim to appreciate life more, is it because they already had an appreciation for life, or is it possible to change? Any thoughts?
Michele

Michele,
I believe it's always possible to change, it's a choice that we make. For example, I like control - and I always rationalized that as because I'm so good at it - but I'm not in charge of Jack's cancer it has a mind of it's own. As a result I'm developing an appreciation for living in the now that I did not have before.

By no means do I think this is easy or that I'm where I need to be but I'm trying and that's all we can do. Little mundane moments that we would have blown off before have become very precious to us now.

Change doesn't need to be profound, any little progress is a good thing. It's not an all or nothing phenomena but whatever you can get. Jack didn't want to discuss any of this until very recently. Even now he doesn't say too much but I've learned that just being together is being supportive. Some of our favorite moments these days are sitting in our backyard swing and not talking at all.

Maybe you can't rely this attitude to your husband but you can develop it in yourself and over time he may let some of his fear go too. I've learned that I can't force Jack to talk on my timetable or do it my way and that's a huge change for me after 25 of marriage. The interesting part in our case is that once I stopped talking he started to. Hope this helps you.
Regards JoAnne

Michele, I don't think YOU can change your husband's attitude- he will have to run that base alone. You can share what you believe, what you have learned from this cancer experience and what you hope to see as the life the 2 of you will share going forward. But, in reality, it is up to him to learn how to assimilate and deal with all that he has endured during this. That will not be an easy thing for him to do. And the same goes for you- As a caregiver for someone you love, you have been through Hell and it isn't over yet. You are gonna have to try hard to take care of your own mental and physical health as well. I hope you are strong and I hope if you need help, you will seek it out. I'm pulling for you. Amy

hmmm

Michelle,
Amy gave you some good advice, you can't change your husbands attitude. Only he can do that.

Caregivers are vital to a cancer patients long journey to being a survivor. It simply cannot be done without the caregiver. With that said, only a cancer patient can understand the depth of emotion we feel during the cancer experience. I always liken it to living in a different world. My husband is the saint of all caregivers, but I still feel as if I live in a different world then he does. He can leave the world tainted by cancer, I can't. It's my world now, I'm the one with the physical effects, emotional scars, etc. When I was having a very emotional time at the end of radiation, I could see that he emphathized with me and felt bad for me, but he didn't KNOW how I felt so he struggled. I could almost feel him wanting to tell me how he thought I should handle it, how he thought I should approach it. I've always given him tons of credit for not doing that. He let me do it my way. Maybe this is simply how your husband needs to deal with it at this time and he just doesn't have the emotional fortitude to try it your way. Even as good as your way sounds!
Hang in there, he will come to terms with it all but it won't happen overnight.

Minnie,

I can't tell you how many times I have played that song over and over when I needed to pick myself up. My family calls it "Mom's cancer song" as in SHUSH, MOM'S CANCER SONG is on. Once I got the all clear from pathology, my family was convinced I was cured and shouldn't even be thinking about it anymore. Kind of hard to do when I still see the doctor every four months! For my husband, that chapter of our life is over and got me to move to Florida. For me, that chapter started my new normal and got me to move to Florida!

Lisa

Lisa,

Are you sure your mom doesn't know my dad?? We are an awful lot alike! The first time I heard that song I knew it would stick with me and it makes me emotional everytime I hear it. My kids are like yours, they label stuff "Moms cancer thingy", like when I did the Walk in 2004, it was called "moms cancer walk". They have gotten to the comfort level of even describing events as BC and AC, meaning before cancer and after cancer. my 14 year old was trying to help her 15 year old sister remember something and she very casually said "it was before moms cancer". In a twisted kind of way, it does make our kids not fear cancer as much to see us surviving it so well!

Keep on keeping on Lisa, I'm going to get down there and meet you someday soon.

Minnie