Hi all,

I was wondering if yall experienced a lot of anger when coming through treatment and also afterward? I have a lot of anger for some reason and it is really affecting my life. My marriage is on the rocks because of it. No matter how hard I try I just cant seem to get it under control. I have been told that this is a side effect of the cancer. Could someone please shed some light on this if you have or are experiencing it.

Thanks,
Billy

Hard truth is yes Billy. I know I'm angry at times for being dealt this hand of cards, and I'm willing to wager that most others do as well. We are literally ripped, screaming and kicking, out of our comfortable lives, and dumped into this cesspool of constant examinations, treatments and pain. Some experience surgery on top of treatments. Although I cannot relate to that, I can certainly point to the prominent and painful lump in my throat caused by brutal radiation doses and ask, "When the hell is this thing going to go away so I can speak and eat normally?"

Why were we selected to be blessed with this ailment? I have no idea, but the alternative is something I'm not willing to face just yet. There is too much left undone in my life to give up the ghost. Sure, we're all pissed off to one degree or another at being so sick, but there is always time to try and change our perspective, at how we look at this situation and deal with it. There are people you can talk to, that your wife can talk to, to see if there is some way to convert your anger, (a perfectly normal human reaction) to an energy that is less destructive.

Maybe a slightly higher dose of pain control medication might take the rougher edges off. Pain and anger go hand in hand. I know that without the Fentanyl patches I've been wearing for the last several months, the pain would have driven me to some extreme behavior which would no doubt have caused severe harm to someone, either myself or someone else.

Activities which will cause you to focus away from your situation may help. Are you working? Is there something you can do for someone else? Could you volunteer some time to give aid to someone who needs it?

Talk to someone, a counselor or clergy or rehabilation person. See if there's something you can do. We all are angry to some extent.

Hi Billy,

Sorry to hear about the problems you are having with the anger issue. We all deal with this cancer differently, but anger is one that does pop up.

Sometimes angry because we have caner, or that we have to go through all the hard treatments, blaming ourselves for what caused the cancer, no control over it and frustrated. The list is endless.

I was upset with my self at first, but later decided it was to late for all that and to concentrate on fighting the cancer and get through all the treatments.

Sure I still wish none of this happened to me, but it did. I am now 2 years out and I am still dealing with all the side effects treatment brings. It is called the New Normal. All is going OK for now.

Your days will go up and down. You could also be going through a little depression. Which is normal for most of us that have been through this. Communication with spouse is very important. Even though you were the one with Cancer your spouse has gone through a lot as well. Cancer brings stress and fear to each of you. Don't let it destroy your marriage. Talk to each other about what this cancer & fear has felt like. I am sure you two will find out you are both feeling the same way. You may want to look into an anti depressant medication.

I hope some of this will be helpful to you both.
Take care,
Diane

Tom, Billy,
I recommend counseling. This may (should) be covered by insurance and you can bring your partner along. .... which makes sense because it is a cancer related issue. As others have said, I now also have limited patience for some things while others are frustrating still and some may well remain so (referring to eating an speaking). Then again sanity returns and I realize that I am still here to write this, look at this board and see how much different cards one could have been dealt... Last night I had to cover, last minute, for one of my colleagues who had to undergo emergency heart surgery for a P. chem. lecture. A bit less than a year ago, they had to do this for me.
And no! I resisted to tell the class that this is "Potions" and that I am Professor Snape... although it was very close.
(... I am spending these mornings bottled up (hyperbaric O2 treatment) and tend to get a bit hyper myself after this probably due to 1) O2 and 2) extra sleep... so that may have some ramification on the above!)

It helps to take a step back. .... Someone probably needs to remind me of that too sometimes.

Markus

Billy,

I'm certainty not qualified to counsel you on such matters but if you compare yourself to children that have cancer or children born with serious deficiencies who may never know all the joys you did reaching 45 years then you must agree that you are pretty lucky that you have escaped such illness till now. I remember walking the halls of Moffitt Cancer Institute and seeing kids having to deal with much much more than I was and it literally brought tears to my eyes. For me to feel sorry for myself was shameful.

Please try to rationalize why you think you're angry and perhaps once you do you will be able to think it through. You are most likely cured and since you are about a year post Tx, you are well on your way to complete recovery or pretty close to it. Your life may never be as innocent as it was before but at least you kept that innocence for 45 years. Hell many people don't even live 45 years. Try to lighten up and realize that you have many many more productive, exciting years left so make the best of them.

First off I would like to thank yall for your responses. I see a psychiatrist tomorrow and am avidly searching for a new counselor. I didnt agree with some of the views of my old counselor so thats the reason for looking for a new one.....LOL

David, I dont know what children with cancer has to do with me whatsoever. I am trying to figure out why all of the anger. I hope you dont think I am feeling sorry for myself either because that certainly is not the case. I thank God for the 45 years I have lived and I hope to live 45 more but only He knows that. I am really baffled about the "lighten up" part. As I have already stated, I am just trying to figure out what is going on with me. By the way, I have visited the Atrium at MUSC hospital in Charleston, SC where I was treated and the children will bring tears to your eyes but, once again, that has nothing at all to do with why I originally started this thread.

Thanks again,
Billy

Hey Billy,

Once I got finished with treatment in Nov. 2007 I had all sorts of emotional stuff going on. I was personally angry, grumpy, unmotivated, down, and lethargic. It definitely put some strains on some of my relationships. December was a tough month and I consider some of the weeks during that month my dark days. It wasn't really until January when I started exercising very slowly and that I started getting motivated and feeling positive again. I remember going out for a jog in early January and barely being able to finish a 1/2 mile. I ended up walking most of it and puking immediately afterwards but it was a start. Just this last weekend I jogged 10 miles with out stopping and it felt great. So, working out has really worked for me. I like to mix it up with biking, jogging, swimming, and doing some strength training as well. I live a much healthier lifestyle and feel great. Good luck, and as we've all learned patience is key so just take baby steps and try to improve a little at a time. Again, good luck and find some outlet or stress reliever.

Hi Billy

as you well know i am no stranger to the anger side of this disease,and i am sure you were one of the many people who posted at the time i was trying to cope with it from the "other " side.In my opinion you wouldn't be human if you weren't angry.Why shouldn't you be? Twelve months post tx you now have the strength and the time for all that pent up emotion to manifest itself .
You are doing two things right.
1)Admitting you have a problem
2)Dealing with it.
you cant really do any more than that.

As for your marriage being on the rocks,don't write it off just yet.Remember when i left Robin? Remember when Barb left Jim?
sometimes you have to move away from a problem to be able to see it for what it really is.Then you can go back to it with a different mind set,and hopefully cope better.

Maybe an anger management counsellor would be more helpful?

Your angry and you have a right to be,i certainly know i would be, its probably the anger that helped you kick this disease in the butt,but dont let it ruin the next 45 years of your life.

love liz

Billy,

Not putting words in your mouth but I was just trying to figure out why you were so angry and I was angry at first because of the "why me" type issue until I saw the children. As to lighten up on yourself, I was just trying to say that maybe you are internally putting pressure on yourself so the "lighten up" comment seemed appropriate. I hope you resolve your anger issues as it's not good for you or anyone around you.

I thought I may have misinterpreted what you said David and forgive me for that. It has been a rough stretch here the past several months. Im not doing the "why me" whatsoever bud. I also went to see my psychiatrist today and he has given me some meds to try. Anti-depressants dont work well for me at all. He also hooked me up with a new therapist that he described as "the best". I see them both on the 28th of this month and I am really looking forward to it. I am also looking forward to this medicine working.

I do appreciate everyones help with this thread. I come here instead of asking doctors because I have always thought that people that have "been there,done that" are the ones to ask.

Thanks again yall,
Billy