Hi everyone. I am here to gain any and all information that I can to help my Dad who was recently diagnosed. He began radiation treatments yesterday, as well as the chemo pill. It is really for my Mom that I am here... she is suffering so. My Dad is basically in denial and won't do anything the Dr's are suggesting for him, and is making my Mom's life a living hell. He is 63. It is hard for me too, as the only child, I am 2 hours away and feel helpless. I just wanted to introduce myself and thank you in advance. I was referred to this site by a member and heard fantastic things!

This meanness and the denial are a part of OC. I have done it as many others on here have. It cost me a relationship. You have to try your best to understand what your dad is going thru both mentally and physically. With me it lasted a coupls of months but it seems I couldn't control it. I am sure you will get much help from this forum and most will give you good advice. Just don't jump ship and give up on him . Try to understand his feelings .For now, just grin and bear it..

You need to tell us more about what type of cancer he has, what stage, any operations, etc, etc. Look at everyone's signature line which is updated in your profile foe helpful examples of what to post.

Jim,
Thank you for your reply. I am sorry to hear about the relationship you lost. I cannot even imagine what it is like to go through this entire ordeal. My hope is that Dad will come around eventually, but I knew that by coming here and talking to those who have gone through it, I might be able to get through to him a bit more with REAL LIFE experiences, not just Doctors telling him "you have to do this."

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you again for responding!

Thank you, I just updated my profile!

Maybe the "I don't need to do that attitude" is just an attempt for some measure of control over a so difficult situation (which we all need to have if we are going to be able to fight the cancer beast). When my son was starting his treatment, I would ask him things like "Do you want to drive to the hospital or shall I?" Or "Do you want a strawberry milkshake or vanilla?" Even McD's gives you a choice with "Do you want fries with that?" I know what helped me as a CG was the control I found in dealing with phone calls, appointments, making spread sheets and especially, coming here for the strength and compassion I found.

If you haven't already, I may have missed a post, maybe you could let us know what your father's diagnosis is, the stage of the cancer and the current treatment he is recieving.
Denial, fear, anger, depression and introversion unfortunatly are some of the emotions that accompany OC. It is hard for everyone around to watch a loved one withdraw and suffer through them as well. You will also go through many emotions. Try not to let this get you down. Let your father know you love and support him. He'll probably aprreciate it and will eventually want to talk to you about what he is experiencing.
You are doing the right thing by seeking out information and helping. He is lucky to such a loving daughter.
Hang in there and continue to seek out information.
My prayers are with you and your father.
Cheers,
Mike

Larry's-daughter,, If I didn't come here, I would never have known what I was doing to people. These great people helped me by making me go do what Barb had told me to do. Get that 2nd opinion and showed me what I was going thru so I would understand... Without them all I would have just suffered the consequences of OC.. They are all so caring and understanding. I need them for this 2nd go around in my corner too . You will grow to love them like family.

Ez Jim,
You are so right. I'm thankful I found this site and am able to participate as part of this family. I have learned much more from all of these compassionate people than I could ever contibute both personally and professionally. When I have down days, 10 years later I still get them, I come to the site and read threads to help lift my spirits.
LarrysDaughter we are all in your corner.
Ez Jim I hope you are doing well, your are in my prayers.

Mike

Dr Mike,
Thank you very much for you kind and inspiring words. I updated my signature with his info too.

My husband would listen to what Cancer Clinic staff recommended, try it once, maybe, and then declare that "it doesn't work" or "I don't like it" and go on his way which likely caused him more suffering than was necessary. He became very depressed and withdrawn, spending the last year mostly lying in bed trying to sleep through it all. Initially I was very upset and even angry with his attitude but eventually decided that in order to preserve my own sanity I would back off. I would gently encourage him to try things, reinforce the reasons he was asked to do them. When he didn't comply I just let it go as it was not helpful for him or me to be fighting and angry over it. If you take a look at your father's personality he is likely running true to form in his manner of coping with his illness. My husband has now had a recurrence, is not accepting further treatment, and I think he is as peaceful as he has been since his diagnosis. He is going to die and not have to face life in a manner he does not wish to live. While I am very sorry this is happening I will support him and accept his choices. Good luck to you and your family as you work through this tough time.

Thank you for your response. I have tears streaming down my cheeks as I read it. I feel for you, I feel for him, and sadly it hits close to home. I will keep you both in my prayers. Thank goodness for this msg board... and the ability to share with each other and TRY to get through this together.