Carrie:
I agree with Minnie 100%.  Hang in there.  We all go through the same process, but don't have to do it alone.  Dying is always in the back of my mind.  I have spent a lot of time trying to figure things out, but all I have figured out so far is that I have spent a lot of time trying to figure things out, rather than surviving and thriving.  We have to remember to live.
Stay strong,
Jack