Hi all. I just wanted to share about my dad and him really getting all of his caretakers so angry we have to laugh because we don't know what to do otherwise. It has been opposite day( you say yes- I say no kind of thing)for like two weeks!
I told my dad when he first got diagnosed "Dad this is HUGE, please know it is ok to freak out, but let's keep your mental health on track. You don't want to loose your mind." I suggested always having "something" for his nerves. No way was he even going there. He even tried not taking pain meds- and totally suffering- for months before he said anything. I have had panic attacks and they suck. Needless to say when I read the caretaker blog and some suggest us caretakers keeping our mental health and anxiety in check- I got into my doc for my refil "just in case". Fast forward to today. It's opposite day with dad, and he is cutting up and all of a sudden he can't breath. Right away he thinks his new trach(he had surgery three weeks ago and got real swollen so they put one in)is failing him and has my uncles rush him to the er.
After he gets there they tell him he is fine, oxygen level is 97%, and that he had a panic attack. He is so freaked out that the trach is going to stop workong, he freaked out. TRUST ME I WOULD HAVE THE SAME FEARS- I CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE-but can I say I told him so? Why does he want to do this to himself?(and us- we thought he was dying!)!!!AUGH!!! Well they gave him some anxiety pills get incase he needs to take the edge off- I hope this will not happen again. My stomach gets sick just thinking of him like that, it was terrifying! Thanks for letting me vent- off to take my little helper!

I can certainly understand how your Dad felt.
Panic attacks are the pits!
The medication is a wonderful help, as a caregiver they have helped me.
It happens when the body has a chemical imbalance and the pills just help to correct it.

Will be thinking of you and yours.
Maggie

I can understand his fear. I have a permanent trach and the one fear I had after surgery was that I was going to stop breathing and have no way to tell someone since I also was unable to speak from time to time. I have always had a fear of being buried alive, so this didn't help. FEAR was an emotion I really didn't know until after I had the surgery. I wouldn't let my husband out of my sight. While I never had a panic attack, I was SCARED TO DEATH. I bought a large bell that I could ring in case he didn't hear me. While your faher won't need this, I sent letters to both fire and police notifying them of my condition as a neck breather. It took a good 8 weeks before I was comfortable with the trach.

I think if you could identify why your father has this fear that the trach won't work and he will stop breathing, you or he might be able to take some action that will help mollify this fear. Meanwhile meds for panic are good idea. Tell him I'm now 6 1/2 years out of surgery and haven't stopped breathing yet.

Take care,
Eileen

Bless your heart! The bell really got me! What a great idea, but how horrible to have to try to come up with ideas like that. I will tell my dad your story. I do identify with this fear as it is much more real than some of my dumb little phobias. Not breathing is pretty scary. Well thank you for the feedback. Every day I learn something, so thanks!

I had a bell by my chair and my bedside after surgery too...and my cell phone...and something to throw at the tv to make a racket...I, too, was afraid of choking and I didn't even have a trach....just so much surgery inside my mouth. It is a universal fear. When I could swallow well enough to consider taking a pill, I would take one at a time....or a half...always with someone nearby and aware that I was doing it, but not watching me, since that little bit of self-consciousness would cause me to falter. Now I can take a whole handful of pills without a thought. Time does wonders, doesn't it??

I know that my story doesn't help you much. You really have a hard row to hoe, but maybe it will help to know that most of us have had different versions of your story in our recovery process.

I was at a HNC where the keynote speaker told us the 3 basic things that we all take for granted are speaking, swallowing, and breathing - until we have a problem with them. It's understandable that your Dad would have a panic attack with a new trach and I hope that he will use the medication as needed. He has a lot going on right now.

Saying I told you so is probably best not expressed in your outloud voice, just the one in your head. One of the ah ha moments I've had this year is realizing that not everyone wants to hear my truth when I'm saying it. We all hear when we're ready. Keep your own prescription filled, it comes in handy.

Regards JoAnne
PS Jack had a bell too

John had a bell too. And I borrowed my daughter in law's baby monitor and it worked great between our upstairs and downstairs rooms. Amy in athe Ozarks

I also used the baby monitor, and I found it to be quite comforting. They are amazing devices. YOu can call for help or just for assistance. I never had to use it, but I was glad to have it. Mime has cords or a battery option for transportability...