Cookey............bless your heart, I will never forget how blessed to me you've been. You hold your head up baby..............

I'm at a total loss.

Yes, I've done all the dr. orders for f/u visits,... scripts, feedings, crushing pills, etc...........But, I still can't get over Dennis beating me with his board, just b/c I got lost in Baltimore. Yeah, well, I CAN"T! You would have to see the bruises that he left!!!

He gets his only nutrition, pain medcation, etc., through the G tube he now has. Keep in mind, half of what they taught me is no longer validid b/c he had a J-tube before! Regardless, he can't manipulate the meds or feedings. (Two different tubes failed............then the stroke)

He now thinks he knows that all the dressings are wrong, and his pain meds are leaving here quicker than they should be, so he is the freakin
boss.

Alrighty then............I question the oldest son and he promptly told Dad that he had found one of his pain meds on the microwave and put it up so none of the younger kids wouldn't find it........

Did Dennis ever offer an apology for suspecting his son of stealing his sleeping pill? Of course not!!!!!!!!!!!.... It's left up to me to try and explain.

Everday is just another dramatic daymare. I'm so tired.

I've called the police before....their answer? "You're not bleeding...............even though you have choke marks". They took him outside of the house, and told him "IFFFFFF, he ever touched me again, they would be back!" Well, he hadn't until last week.

My kids are fighting so hard, and I want to be there with them, but, for the past 20 years, everyhing has been around Dennis. I don't have a job, barely prerequistes for an
Associate's".

Needless to say, all that went to hell, once he was diagnosed this time. It was expected that I would drop out of school to take car of him. Well, I did, and I'm madder than shit.

He has put me through so much, that Shane asked me to leave him tonight. We had a huge fight....he said he couldn't take his Dad anymore. He jumped out of my truck when I came to a stopsign..........just below our house. He sat down in the middle of the road and cried like a baby, while I did the same inside of the truck. ( I Doubled backed and got him home ) We couldn't tell Dennis any of this, or be subjected to God knows what.

Yeah.............you hear of all this friggin' help. It's not out there.......I've pleaded, cried........it doesn't matter......HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Michelle

Dear Michelle
I cannot imagine the pain you are dealing with on a daily basis. I take it that he has no male family members that you can go to for help?
Surely someone out there has the resources to help this woman... is it at all feasable for you to leave Michelle.. do you have anywhere to go?
Just because he is sick does not mean you have to take this abuse.
I am so sorry.

I just so agree with Marica here--hell, I've GOT cancer and I'm not abusing anyone!
And from what you've said, it sounds like this, or some of it, was going on before he even HAD cancer!
20 years of 'subjecting yourself'??
I know all the reasons why Michelle, I know from experience the cops reaction, , I know the fear of 'pretend, don't rock the boat in case it gets worse'
Your kids are seriously affected as well as you.
My advice would just be to do what I did after the 'choking' episode.
I took only what I could get in my car, and WENT! --to the first flat (apartment) I could rent.
It took me 3 days to organise, I left a lot of 'my stuff/my life' behind, but I took what was important---ME!
Do it even if he hasn't got any family members to look after him---okay, inform his doctors you've left, leave him a 'meds' list etc.---but really Michelle, you and the kids need to GO and be safe!
It's hard, it takes a lot of heartache afterwards, but you'll get through.
If you've got family or friends you can go to for a while, that's even better and gives you breathing space, but oh Michelle, I'm SOOOOOOO
sorry for your situation. keep posting!
brenda x

Michelle

They are right ....People don't deserve this ..for any reason, whether the person is sick or cant except the sickness... it does affect the kids. I totally understand where you ae coming from ..I do ..I walk in your shoes. If you need to talk I am here , we can try to get through and get out together .... you can email or Pm me anytime.

Shar