My husband is going into his 6th week now and yesterday when he was home for a visit said. "I still cant believe this is happening to me" What do you say to a man who has had a near death experience, many complications, not to mention the chemo and his reaction to it (states he does not know if he can do it) and today is returning to a lodge where cancer patients stay while getting treatment????? Any suggestions. He actually took me by surprise with this statement. Remaining positive... Carol...

Carol,

I've read over the years that sometimes our minds protect our body by not letting us deal with reality until we're ready. Maybe that's something going on with him. I know I still wish I had never been told I had Cancer and I still wish I wasn't having to deal with everything associated with this crap. Won't change a thing but I can still wish it.

Mentally, as well as physically, he's pretty much a wreck right now so believe me he's not going to appear or act normal as you remember him. Give him all the time he needs and perhaps discuss this with his docs (when he's not around) and see what they say. All CCC's have physiologists on staff just for this purpose.

Carol, it was a couple of weeks after I was diagnosed before I could even do a google searh on oral cancer. If I didn't take that step, it just wasn't real. After all, it couldn't be happening to ME!!

I think Davids on the mark. I agree that your body and mind protects itself from thngs that are simply too overwhelming, and let's itself deal with things at a slower pace.

Think back...it wasn't that long ago that your posts were full of denial and negative outlook. See how much that's changed?? I think it's the same reaction mentally.

There is no answer to that question; I've asked it a thousand times. It is what it is. He will get through the rest of treatment, and coming out the other side he (and you) will look back in a very short while and say that you didn't think you were capable of that.

While I'm like David in wishing I had never heard those words "you have cancer" I'm not sorry I have had this experience.

I learned a great deal about myself, and about my wife and children, and how important they really are to me.

I also learned to take life more seriously. It is precious, and we waste far too much time worrying about things not worth worrying about

Take care
Wayne

Thank you, I guess the denial goes along with the NOT opening cards, NOT telling immediate family about his progress, NOT allowing family members to see him, NOT doing any researching on the topic, NOT wanting to speak about the topic concerning other people who have this disease, apolizing for being short with me (when he is not short under the circumstances) On the weekends he works on the farm and tries to do the things he did before even after a bout of chemo. He knows he cant do the things he did before at the pace he did them. He has rest periods now. It frustrates him I am sure. Before we know it he will be back home and trying to recover. I think this is why his treatments have been such a success. Hopefully all will be well with him. Thanks again. Carol. ps It is not the way I would have handled the situation but then again, I have to wonder if I would make it with the treatment being so severe. eg. mask, nausea, vomiting, long drives to hospital, time frame of getting the treatment from start to finish. I would have my family near me, did all the research and so on. Thanks again.

I can relate to that "I still can't beleive this is happening to me" feeling. I mean., the stuff you have to go through in treatment IS pretty unbelievable. I have described it to patients who have gone through treatments for other cancers and even they are surprised. The Mask pinning you to the table. Chemo and radiation at the same time. Not being able to swallow or speak. Amifostine that makes you violently puke every single day. Serious burns all over your neck and lower face. Some of us don't have to deal with all this--for example they get through the amisoftone easier or don't burn as badly--but it is a pretty big ordeal when you look at it from a step back.

From inside it, you just keep taking one day at a time and do what you have to do. But there really is an air of unreality about going through it sometimes. From a 2 year post-treatment vanatge point, sometimes I can't believe I WENT through all that.
Nelie

Momma- your husband could be mine! I was shocked to read your husband wouldn't open his cards-neither would mine I thought he was the only guy like that. He has over 75 cards I open them and tell him who they are from and he has a blank stare. I finally got it out of him -that the cards remind hin he has cancer and he is sick!!! I said you are. I told my friends he is still in denial. This has been a long journey for us both. It is good to hear that we are not the only ones going through this. when I read the board I say to myself thank God he is not the only one acting that way or doing that. It helps me alot. So thanks to all of you for sharing your journey and putting my mind at ease.

LJ

Ditto to your post Ladyjoe. I really dont know where I would be had I not found this forum. It gives me comfort, reassuring and allows me to ask any questions that I feel I need help with, not to mention the venting mechanism. Thanks for sharing your experiences with me. I cant begin to tell all of you how valuable it has been to me. Carol...

Yea,

Same here Dragan. I too didnt want to go and read on this stuff either. My wife and oldest son took care of that but ,as you can see, Im here looking and posting right now.

I guess ot took God doing a powerful work in me to make me realise a lot of things also. Me and my family are by far better off than we have been in a very long time. I too look at things totally different now and I have a feeling when this is all over and dine with I will say the same thing ,I wont be sorry this has happened to me.

Marvin is alot like others in the fact that he doesnt really talk about it yet. He does ask me to get on here and find things out but he wont get on here and look yet. I find myself wishing he didnt have it but then I must come to ther reality that he does and it will forever change our lives. God has put this trial in our lives and we must do our best to get though it and remember that HE is always with us even in these dark days, while we are looking for the end of this tunnel.