Liz, we caregivers are in your corner and we know the toll this is taking on you. Stay strong and please find ways to do some good things for yourself. Amy in the Ozarks

I am ashamed to have say that it all fell apart on Sunday.I begged and pleaded with Rob to stop drinking and to take his tube feeds but nothing i said or did made any difference and by Sunday he was taking only 600 calories a day by his tube and not eating anything,and every day he would get off the sofa get dressed and go to the pub for 2 hours.When he got back he said he wasnt hungry and in the evening he would have a glass of wine and go to bed without a feed.So i did the only thing left i could think of.I told him i couldnt watch him killing himself and that i couldnt understand why after all the time effort and care he had from the hospital and all the support staff he was behaving like this and if he wasnt going to stop this destructive cycle ,i would have to go.His answer was simple.Two words ,and they werent very nice.So here i am.Somehow i found the strength to pack my bags and get in the car and now i have to live with it and its the hardest thing i have ever done.He hasnt been in touch and he wont answer the phone but i hear about him every day from a friend .His family have been 100% supportive of me,but i dont expect anyone here to understand and i realise that what i have done will be a completely alien concept to all you woman who were so much stronger than me.I will never forget how you all helped me to help Rob through everything and i am sorry we let you down,you brave people deserve so much more.

Liz, Do not feel guilty. Rob has chosen his life style. You cannot control him or his choices. You have to take care of yourself. Maybe, just maybe, he will hit bottom and realize he has to take care of himself to live or he may not. You have NOT let any of us down. You have given to us. Please continue to post and be a part of our group. You have knowledge to share. Linda

Liz, there are lots of people here who DO understand. Good for you! Destructive, abusive behavior is just that, whether the person is well or not. You have done as much as you can, but nobody can change another person's behavior. If Rob chooses to behave in a manner that you cannot tolerate, then you are absolutely right to leave. You have shown incredible strength in a very stressful situation. I am proud of you!

Liz, you are quite wrong to assume that "we women" would not approve of your actions. Staying in that situation would be comparable to sticking your head in a lighted gas oven. It is a "no-win" place for you to be until Rob decides he would rather live than die. Most of us caregivers have dealt with angry,frustrated,scared, doped up partners, but for the most part they all wanted to survive and were working hard to do just that. It sounds like the only people that may be able to help Rob at this point are his Doctors. We know this is incredibly hard for you, but please don't get down on yourself-you don't deserve that. Amy in the Ozarks

I would be more worried if you didn't leave since that would be "enabling" and not healthy for either one of you. I can also understand where you would be second guessing yourself.

It is a healthy boundary and Robin needs to know that there are consequences for his actions. You gave him a choice and he chose the unhealthy activities - it's really on him. Doesn't make it any easier to sit back watch it though...

Liz,

Why spend one more ounce of energy and emotion on someone with his unchanged destructive mentality? Easy answer.

Why let his unchanged destructive mentality harm you? Easy answer.

He flat out doesn't deserve to be on the same planet as you, never did, so continue to be the stronger person and forget him.

Liz - as hard as it was for you to leave, you did the right thing. You had already done everything that you could to help him through this and the way he treated you - well, I'm surprised you could put up with it as long as you did. As Amy said, when people are sick, hurt, confused, sometimes they do temporarily lash out at the ones they love (I went through this with my father, who was very ill for 3 months before he died) but in the end, they are sorry and grateful to have had the support. However, you've been going through this for longer than you should ever have had to, and it's time to think of YOU, as hard as that is.

Maybe he'll come to his senses this way. It's probably the only way he will, so stay strong.

Liz, there are more stories out there than you would believe. My husband is staying at a lodge because we live out of town. He told me the other day that there were several couples there but a lot of them do not have meals together. (they sit at separate tables during meal time) My husband has snapped at me and I will say I have snapped at him. Not often, but yes it happens. If I had a man who drinked after all I went through with him, I would be so upset with him and probably leave too. Take care, Be careful of your health, perhaps join a group for support. Carol..

Liz, you did everything and then some to be supportive of Rob and don't for one minute think that anyone would think you're not a strong or caring person. Truthfully I'm amazed how patient you've been and how much crap you've put up with. You're not responsible for his bad choices - nor can you choose to survive for him. You also deserve to be happy and need to think about yourself at times.

I admire your loyalty but enough is enough. You find your own road and take our best wishes with you. I hope you will stay in touch. You're one hell of a caregiver and I know that better times are ahead for you.

Regards JoAnne