Liz,
it's normal to have fair to horrific days (and that's as a patient)! I can't even speak to the caregiver aspect except I am still making amends 4 years later ;-)

I don't know whether you got the Biafine or not, but my recollection is it is NOT to be used on OPEN wounds.

If he can swallow all that water, can't he at least get down some of the protein drinks or at least something that has SOME calories. This is medicine at this point. You don't get to not take it just because it doesn't taste good. He needs proper nutrition to fight this. If he wants to be stubborn, he should use that energy to fight the disease by drinking the protein drinks when he is unable to eat. We all got to that point and those of us who didn't have a peg, had to drink the stuff, like it not. It's time for him to try it.

Take care,
Eileen

Has he tried using a straw to get any drinks down? Eileen is right about maybe getting nutritional drinks down. I used a straw all the time so things didn't touch my tongue and mouth as much. Just tried to get it down to the back of my mouth. Still use a straw for the protein drinks, because I don't really care for the taste. (but I'm drinking them) Hope he is doing better and take care of yourself also.

Liz, Difficult men are a challange to live with--sick difficult men are awful :rolleyes: Can't remember reading if you have considered an anti anexity or anti depressant script for yourself- but it might help. There were times during my husband's treatment that the ONLY way I could get him to cooperate with what he had been told to do was to threaten to hire a Home Health nurse to come in each day and oversee his schedule. I told him that if he would not follow the instructions his Docs had given me about his care, then I would go back to work and let him deal with a pro.
He knew I meant it, because I was also pretty honest about what the emotional upheaval was doing to me. That stratagy worked most of the time. However, there were times when he was just feeling too bad to eat or drink and just wanted to be left alone to sleep. It's a tough call- but constant tension and termoil between the two of you is hurting you both. When is he getting the peg??? Be strong. Amy in the Oz

Well we both got a shock yesterday.When we arrived at the cancer centre the dietician was waiting to see us and three hours later Robin is in hospital.He is having his peg fitted today and has been on IV fluids since last night.He has readily agreed to this procedure because he truly believes that once he can get some nourishment ,he will be fit enough to go back to work.I am sure he will feel better but i dont know how he will go back to work.His weight is down from 204 lbs to 181 lbs yesterday I have decided to stand back from this situation and just see how it all pans out.I will deal with his feeding tube for him , take him to and from the hospital and order and dispense his meds,but just at the moment i am not going to venture any further opinions.I feel very much its like the teenage syndrome,the more you advise them to go one way the more they want to do the opposite,the one thing they dont like is being ignored. So we wait and see.

David "tracky bottoms" is slang for tracksuit bottoms a favourite form of clothing that we use when we are "slobbing about at home "and not expecting company lol!

Liz,
I'm wondering if Robin has always had some of these control and anger issues which have been made worse by the diagnosis and treatment for his cancer. As a Social Worker for 38 years, it has been my experience that when there is any sort of serious Life Crisis we all just become more of whatever our basic personality/ behavior style is - good and bad.
You can't control his attitude but you can give him back his responsibility for HIS OWN BEHAVIOR.
Gary is right- you need to get thru this and that means taking care of yourself. Taking anti depressents, insomnia meds what ever calms you down and gives you some emotional disatance is good.
Your love, support, caring and counseling to him for following the Doctors and other health professional's orders is all you can do.
he is an adult and verbally abusing you which he is doing is not O.K. Amy is right- if your care is not working tell him you will get outside help and do it.

Paula

Caregiver to Gil- dx 11/05. finished treatment 3/06. Stage 4b SCC BOT, rt tonsil, lymph nodes. T2N2M0., 6 weeks chemo, 7weeks daily IRMT. Complete esopoghaus obstruction due to radiation. biweekly esopoghaus dialtions- still on peg tube- so far cancer free.

Robin HAS to do a serious "reality check" here - He is NOT going back to work anytime soon, he needs serious counseling. He'll be much more at peace once he accepts this. He might then be able to move ahead with acceptance of treatment and become a more manageable patient.
If I have time later tonight I will post the rules for "fair fighting techniques".

Gary, pleae include some techniques that work for 66 yr. old grandmothers dealing with 15 yr. old grandsons- thanking you in advance- Amy in the Ozarks

Amy - Have you heard of the book by Michael J. Bradley called "Yes, Your Teen Is Crazy" (or Loving Your Kid Without Losing Your Mind)? I gave it to my son when his stepson was going thru the teen years. Kids go through such dramatic physical and emotional changes, it's no wonder that life sometimes is difficult for them and those close to them. Probably similar to the cancer survivor who has to cope with so many changes and control issues and grieving over the loss of a previous way of life.
Liz - Getting the PEG and some fluids should really help Robin to feel better. My son did not have a PEG and went from 225 down to 183. After that he was very secretive about his weight but as soon as he could manage something besides water, his disposition improved greatly. Some liquids that he couldn't manage, he would have me dilute with water and they seemed to go down better that way. Hang in there and remember to take care of yourself, too! Things will get better.

Liz,


Happy Belated Mother's day to you ! Glad to hear Robin got the peg tube .....Maybe he will start to feel a little better ,,I know I get grumpy if I am hungry LOL...This isnt easy I am sure , but you are lucky to have each other !! I know if I ever have to go through RAD ...I would want to HIRE a few of you to be my caregivers..the comapssion you all show on here is amazing ..I understand you are caring for loved ones , but the way you are there for each other on here...I better start playing the lotto in case that day ever comes !!LOL I dont know that my husband would be so good at it ...and MOM's far away . Better yet for all you care givers ..would love to win the lotto and then give you all the money to go to a spa for a day of pampering !! Cus lord knows you all deserve it ! Thoughts are with you and Robin !


Shar