I posted last month about my friend who is going through treatment. I will be staying with her next weekend and just need to know the best way to act. Let me explain as that sounds shallow...

I spoke with my friend's sister today who told me my friend was depressed, short tempered, etc. She is over halfway done her treatment, has all the mouth sores and pain from radiation/chemo and is now hospitalized as she spiked a fever and they think it is an infection coming from her port. She is currently eating through a stomach tube due to the soreness of her mouth.

This is all way more than I could ever imagine having to deal with and my heart aches for her. If she is truly depressed, should I push her to seek medication for it? What will help her? I so believe that attitude is half of the cancer battle and I hate to see her losing hope, because the chemo is so physically and emotionally draining for her.

Thank you all for listening and being so helpful. I don't think my friend has ventured here, but I find you all a wealth of valuable information and support.

Angle,

Your friend is lucky to have you at her side. If she is depressed it is a good idea to seek help for that.

Going through treatment is not easy and all the side effects are sometimes overwhelming. There will be days she will wonder if she can take it any more.

A Hug and your understanding can go a long ways. Sharing a few tears too.

My husband was always there for me even when he did not know what to say or do. A big hug would help me through the moment. I had days that I was so frustrated & sick I just wanted to die. These days were very hard on my husband and he needed support too. So I would have to try and forget my situation and give him some emotional support. I know that sounds strange but in a round about way it would help me as well. Go figure?

So just be your self and give the love and support you have inside you to your friend.

Take care.
Diane

Hi Angel,
Your friend's experience brings back my memory of my situation 5 years ago. Like her, I was hospitalised half way of the treatment due to high fever and other complications. Like her, I suffered from depression, but after the treatment was over. When I was receiving treatment, my mind just focussed on beating the cancer cells and had no space for depression. Your friend may not feel like taking medicine to cure the depression. I refused professional help too when I was seriously depressed because I thought that I could handle it myself. When the situation got worse, I was always thinking of killing myself to end all the sufferings and pain. I ended up with a one-month stay in the psychiatric ward. I had daily psychiatric counselling and anti-depressants to help me, without which I think I am no longer alive.
So try to keep a closer eye on your friend and if necessary, talk to her doctor and see if anti-depressants are necessary. Depression can be more dangerous than cancer, sometimes.

Karen

AngelGirl, Hope you are a good listener! Try to give her permission to rant, rave, cry - whatever she feels like doing. Let her know that you are not afraid to hear about the physical pain she is having and what is bothering\scaring her at this point. Do you have any pictures of times you were together in the past- think of good memories to talk about. Ask what errands you might run while you are there, or groceries or creature comforts you could get for her, offer to clean a closet or wash her hair or do something she doesn't have the energy to tackle. Respect her need to rest and sleep. Let her know you are glad to be there. Amy