Nicki,

I'm glad to hear Tom is doing better -- also glad that he seems to have doctors who are staying on top of things.

Take care of yourself too. I know it's an extra drain on your strength when you have to travel so far back and forth to the hospital, so please stay well.

Cathy

Nickie,

Sorry to hear of the rough times. Even a year later it seems every few weeks I learn of another little problem in the ol' body. I figure if I could trade in this 80 year old body for a 48 year old...I could live another 40-50 years.

The hospital I was in (and out of) here in Dallas (Zale Lipshey) has rooms with a bench that converts to a bed for my wonderful wife to sleep in when I was hospitalized. It was such a nice touch and so comforting to just look over in the middle of the night and see her there. For a little extra fee they even had suites so several people could stay.

I hope Tom gets home as soon as possible. Hang in there and tell Tom we are thinking of him and cheering him on in this wild roller coaster ride.


Ed

Hi, Ed...
There was a patient in the bed next to Tom on Wednesday night, or I think I could have persuaded them to let me stay with him. It is depressing to go to bed without him. The 'neighbor's bed' is empty now, but I've got appts at 7 am and noon tomorrow, so it would not make sense for me to stay over tonight

I'm on my way out the door to see him now. Hoping to hear that his blood tests are coming back in the right range so he can come home tomorrow. How boring can it must be - - can't even "look forward" to meal time!!

Love you all! It is a gorgeous day here in Virginia and I hope everyone enjoys God's goodness today.
Nicki

Dear Nicki
I really hope Tom gets out of there asap.
Pete was in for three weeks during treatment and it was awful...he went in because of dehydration and ended up with a life threatning infection.you really have to be there as much as possible to make sure he is getting the proper treatment.Just the thought of Tom being in hospital for any length of time gives me the heebies.
Take Care
marica

I'm sad tonight, Marica, because the blood is not doing what it is supposed to do and it does not look like he'll be out before Wednesday. That makes a week....They added dehydration to the list of problems I am happy that there is no one in the room with him - and with plenty of empty rooms on the floor, I hope it stays that way.
He's lost all semblance of color in his complexion and his face is so thin. He's really feeling the effects of the radiation in his throat, and his skin is cherry-red. I'm rapidly becoming depressed seeing my handsome guy going downhill. YOu all have done a good job preparing me for what's coming, but it still somehow "did not compute." I want my husband back, and I know it is going to be awhile.

I won't be able to see him tomorrow because of my root canal, but I'm planning on calling his chemo doctor (who, hopefully, will be back from Europe) to find out how all this will impact his scheduled chemo treatment on Wednesday.

The care has been excellent; the nurses are just great! I see everyone put on fresh gloves and wash their hands when they come into the room...so I'm hopeful nothing is coming in there that could harm him.

Thanks, all.
Nicki

Nicki, it sounds like Tom is about where I was during about week 6 of my radiation treatment, minus the blood clots. On morhphine, IV what what looked like Ensure going in, not able to drink/eat much of anything because of the pain and generally looking and feeling like hell.

The good news is, I did eventually get better after a couple of weeks, and each week made some progress. From what I gather he's almost at end of treatment, and this is the hardest part. Once he's done he can start healing and things will get better.

You sound like you're burning the candles at both ends, however, be sure and take a couple of hours out for yourself in the next couple of days and take a breather. You can't be a good caregiver if you're worn out.
Bob

Hey Nicki,
I am praying for the blood to do what it's supposed to do in Tom. I know those long days/nites with the hubby in the hospital. I pray that God gives you peace and comfort and healing for Tom. This is such a hard thing to go thru...it definitely changes one's life. I did feel the peace from God at my lowest points.
Take care,
Debbie

Nicki,

Sorry to hear about Tom's extended stay at the hospital. I can tell you are a bit lonely over it and I can't help but think of my wife during my hospital stays. Like Bob is telling you, take a little time for yourself to keep recharged so you can do all you want and need to do for Tom. If I may offer a suggestion, when you spend a bit of time for yourself, try to find something a little more fun and relaxing than a root canal .

Best wishes and praying for healing for Tom and comfort and peace for both of you.

Ed

Dear Nicki
Hang in there...you are at a low ebb, a very hard time for both of you. Ed,Bob, and the rest of the guys are right, as much as you want to be with Tom ,you need time to just take a walk and recharge the batteries. Do you have family to help you? You sound very tired.

We will be here if you need to scream, rant, or receive any support we can give. Hope your root canal goes Ok.

Take care.
Marica

Tak

It is another gorgeous day here - and I give thanks for the sun and gentle breeze...they help with the inner spirit.
My root canal went well enought, though he had to hit me 4 times with the pain killer and now one side of my face needs a lift! I've got good pain pills on hand!
Seems they've overshot their goal with the blood thinner, and now they have to thicken things up again I don't think he'll have any blood left by the time they finish taking those tests every few hours!
He definately cannot eat anything by mouth now. It hurts for him to swallow water. A great nutrition worker brought him mashed potatoes, pudding, cream pies in an effort to get him to eat a little, but he just can't do it anymore. I am SO THANKFUL for the PEG. He's got 3 weeks and one day to go with radiation - and one more chemo round that we know of....

Has it happened that one goes completely numb from the anxiety? I feel so totally empty...can't really describe it any other way.
I'll have to take a Xanax tonight I think..right after I soak in the jacuzzi....certainly can't hurt, right?

One of the best things (and there are some) that has comeof all this nastiness is that we are finding the depths of our relationships - family and friends. I have so many people offering rides (who live further away from the hospital than we do!) and support that I am overwhelmed.
Looks like next week I won't have to drive at all! The prayer chains are fabulous and we can feel that power - - truly makes one humble.

You all are such a vital anchor and I must admit you know more of my anxieties, etc. than anyone else. I wear a pretty good game face most of the time, but those that know me well pretty much see through that..

I'll make dinner tonight for my daughter and myself...something soft!
Love
Nicki