I agree with all of the above ..and just ask him as I said before to make an INFORMED decison ..that is all you are asking him to do ..I mean dosent he want to know what his Choices are?

BrenFran-I cant tell him that i support his choice, cuz i dont. I dont want my dad to die because he is so hard headed. And i want him to know how strongly i feel that way.

Sharlee-He doesnt care what his choices are..even if he couldve caught it in the first stage he would just let it go.

I guess why im so upset is because all i wanna hear him say is that he wants to fight to live for his kids Instead of just acting like nothing is wrong.

And if stage three isnt as far as worthlessness ill fight harder and be able to tell him its treatable and he can live. I dont want the remaining time with my dad to be all arguing about trying to get help. You know what i mean? I bearly know what i mean haha

-Jess

Jess

I am soo sorry that you have to go through all of this, do you have any one there to go through this with you ?

I know I would be upset to if my mom or dad wanted to give up and not fight and be around for my brothers and sisters and I. This disease is so horrible and it affects more then just the person diagnosed..

And I understand that you don't want your remaining time to be spent arguing , I wish I had answer for you I really do. I wish there was a way to get him to listen. I did a power point presentation on oral cancer and some of the people here and there Diagnosis and treatment , do you think he would watch it ?

Shar

Jess whatever else you do dont argue with your Dad.
At times like these it is difficult to remember how the parent /child relatonship is supposed to work,and angry,frustated,scared as you are he is still the parent in the relationship.

Nobody wants to die.Robin didnt want to die.But when faced with the inevitable he dealt with it,and in the end he chose how he died.

That is a choice every one has a right to make,and wether you agree with it or not ,like Pauls Mother it is a choice he has a right to make for himself.
Dont argue honey get some counselling and deal with his decision,then help him to see it through.
Your job is going to be to support and help him,not censure and criticise how he chooses to live out his remaining years.

Anger against your Fathers wishes is perfectly natural and will continue to be a problem throughout whatever choice he makes,but dont let this feeling destroy whatever days,months and hopefully years that he has left.

Caring for someone you love who chooses to undergo aggressive and radical treatment for mouth cancer is not easy either,and can leave you with memories that may haunt you forever,so dont think it is just so simple as agreeing to be treated.You could become so distressed with all the affects of the treatment on him that you wish you had never made him have it.

Its a hard one for sure,but say your piece then leave it for a while,and let him digest the information.If he still chooses to do it his way,respect him and support him.

love liz

I would share the story of the man in the flood --as the water started coming into his home, a neighbor in a rowboat came by and offered help. The man refused, saying "God will save me". The water is soon so high that he has to move to his roof. Soon, a helicopter comes by and offers assistance. The man again refuses, saying "God will save me." Unfortunately, the man drowns.

When he gets to Heaven, the man is upset. He says "God, I put my faith in you. How come you abandoned me?" God replied: "I sent you a rowboat and a helicopter. What more do you want?"

God can provide opportunity, but we need to take the action.

Thanks all three of you For your comment. Each one helped me in a different way.

Sharlee- i think if i sat down n watched it with him he would watch it. Maybe It would help his decision to make sure that is what he wants or not.