Brian, I will leave this up to you. Not sure if I'm posting in the correct forum or not. (Big waves to you....you are such a blessing!)
I've got to share something that I can't talk to my closest friends or family members about.
My husband was diagnosed with stage III squamous cell carcinoma of the left tonsil and floor of the mouth on 8-14-02. Since then he has had 42 rounds of radiation and 2 cycles (5 days each) of cisplatin and 5-FU.
After nailing treatment and not even using his PEG tube once, he had follow up scans after treatment which showed a spot on the right lung. There was no way to biopsy this without surgery and he had the top third of his lung removed on March 6,2003. Thank God! the biopsy of the lung came back benign, but I can't seem to shake him out of his depression. He has resumed smoking a pack of cigarettes a day and drinking 7-12 beers a day. I can't seem to convince him of a reason to fight these demons no matter what I do. He was always a take charge person. He supervised up to 500 employees on a daily basis.
Is there anything I can do? I see him giving up, when he ought to be giving this the fight of his life. I've talked to him about counseling, but he doesn't want any part of it. Meanwhile, my children and I live on eggshells. We never know when Dad is going to have a "good" day.
Any advice you can give would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you so much for this forum. I get so frustrated. I keep thinking that the worst is behind us, but he refuses to live like it.
Mandi

I had sleep apnea and made noises so bad before I went into treatment that my wife actually tape recorded it and played it back for me - it was creepy. Of course the stage III, 6cm x 3.5cm polypoid tumor growing on my tonsil didn't help matters any - it was starting to make it hard to breath and was pushing my uvula to the side. On the CT scan it filled almost the entire throat cavity. Melted right away when treatment started and the apnea seems to have resolved also.

Hi Mandi,
I understand exactly how you and your husband feel right now as I went through similar experience last year after completing my treatment for my left tonsil cancer.Like your husband, I didn't have a PEG tube on and everything was clear at the follow-up scans. While I was expecting recovery and returning back to my work as the Assistant Principal of a secondary school, depression set in. The side effects of radiation and chemo were culmulative and the feeling of being useless, not knowing when I could resume my job which I loved so much led me to despair. Depression is a terrible illness, even more scary than cancer. I was thinking of ending my life even though the doctor told me I was in remission. I was finally admitted to hospital for medical help. It was April last year, 4 months post treatment. To cut the story short, family support is very important to prevent the depression from getting worse. One year now I am still on anti-depressants and have to visit my psychiatrist by-monthly.I was back to my job last June until now. If you need further help from me, do give me an e-mail. Have a close watch on your husband and take care,

Karen stage 4 tonsil cancer diagnosed in 9/01.

Mandi.... Once again Karen has answered pretty much as I would. Clinical depression is very common in cancer patients. This is not just feeling sad or depressed, though those are the outward signs of it. It is a chemical imbalance of serotonin in your brain. No amount of "cheering up' by friends or family will break it. It requires medication (Serotonin reuptake inhibitors), and professional counseling so that the patient recognizes the situation for what it really is. Biological. Yes we are all scared, and yes we are all depressed and sad part of the time, but clinical depression needs to be treated medically. It is more than "the funk" of realizing that you have just had a very close brush with death. The sooner the better. Before I was on Paxil to help me with this, I was having feelings of not wanting to go on, not caring what happened to me, and feeling that my life was over and there was nothing to look forward to. It took two years to get out of it, but here I am, and life is better than ever. Please get him to see a MD psychiatrist for medication and counseling as soon as possible. If he is a typical guy, you can expect some resistance to this, since we all think we can tough it out through everything....BS, in this case that isn't true. In the future if you are starting a new idea, (which you have) please start by using the "new topic button" If you put a post on a new subject at the end of someone else's post on a non related subject, no one will find it, and it may not be responded to. I am going to close this topic. If you wish to pursue this issue, start a new posting thread.